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The Long Gift of Time
There are those days
That feel like getting stuck
Behind a double wide trailer
Like getting caught
In a swirling eddy
In the river of life
Like being put on hold
That damn elevator music
And the message repeating
“We’re sorry for the inconvenience,
We’ll be with you
As quickly as we can”
"Please stay on the line"
As quickly as you can
Can feel slower
Than petrification
But those days become
Fossils
Banners across the back
Of our lives
Reminders that time
Is not in our control
We are in its
And it means always
To be a gift
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
raj
Sat, 2018-06-23 06:22
Hi Greg
a good take on Time and its impact on our life. I thought the line "we are in its" to be incomplete, is it?
................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
gregwa8
Sun, 2018-06-24 02:18
thanks, raj. I think "we are
thanks, raj. I think "we are in its" is correct, in context, if a bit of a strange sentence by itself.
Obadiah Grey
Sat, 2018-06-23 13:17
And then there are the days
And then there are the days
We get laid !!!!
An interesting piece, Greg, and I was grateful for the lift of the final two lines.
Obi.
gregwa8
Sun, 2018-06-24 02:19
haha! thanks obadiah.
haha! thanks obadiah.
IRiz
Sat, 2018-06-23 13:57
Great write.
I like the poem, especially the ending. The idea is clear.
I relate to the images. The flow is slightly hesitant as if you want to hold your reader and test his patience. LOL.
IRiz
gregwa8
Sun, 2018-06-24 02:19
thanks Iriz. sometimes it's
thanks Iriz. sometimes it's fun to torture the reader. lol.
lovedly
Sat, 2018-06-23 15:52
three cheers to time
Iriz.. u and I just composed
on the common relative of man
TIME
yes there is nothing beyond time
so does your lovely poetry rhyme
gregwa8
Sun, 2018-06-24 02:20
thanks lovedly!
thanks lovedly!
brittle light
Sun, 2018-06-24 01:23
I like elevator music, it
I like elevator music, it amuses me.
other than that, cleanly cut and tailored
catch you later,
Al
gregwa8
Sun, 2018-06-24 02:21
ha! thanks al. elevator music
ha! thanks al. elevator music can be pleasant, but that's about all. lol.