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Finding the Faucet
My heart is a basin of hope
But I struggle
Like a frantic bird
To turn on
The faucet
I am a maple tree
Filled with syrup
That could delight the tongue
Of another
But I’m afraid to cut my skin
And insert the tap
So you can drink
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Geezer
Thu, 2019-05-30 17:57
I would have...
been happier, if you had stuck to one idea, either the struggling bird or the maple tree, unless you find a way to compare them better. Both of the ideas and similes have merit. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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gregwa8
Thu, 2019-05-30 23:02
thanks for the feedback,
thanks for the feedback, geezer