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Winter's Cold Hand
The Cold icicles hung as decorations
reflecting all as in a mirror bright
Moon shines down upon new fallen snow
it glistens with a million fallen stars
Deer feed under the canopy of trees
unaware of my never ending gaze
Picture postcard pefect
but winter rests her cold hand
upon my shoulder
reminding me
warmth will be had
nevermore
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
scribbler
Thu, 2019-12-05 17:17
BRRRRR......
Warmth will be had nevermore. Now That would be a bad thing to not be able to look forward to an end to winter
c lynn brooks
Fri, 2019-12-06 08:05
Stan
thank you warmth nevermore has a deeper meaning
Chrys
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scribbler
Wed, 2019-12-11 16:24
as
does winter
Roscoe Lane
Fri, 2019-12-06 02:31
Cleverly,
Cleverly done this poem painting a picture perfect moment, then the ending so stark. Typo- icicle. Love Roscoe....
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
c lynn brooks
Fri, 2019-12-06 08:11
Roscoe
thank you I hate winter for many reasons and wanted to reflect that repaired typo
Chrys
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Edna Sweetlove
Fri, 2019-12-06 19:37
You asked for the "raw truth" so here goes...
The Cold icicles hung as decorations - WHY A CAPITAL C? ALSO, "HUNG" SUGGESTS SOMEONE HUNG THEM - "HANG" WOULD BE BETTER. ALSO: COMMA
reflecting all as in a mirror bright FULL STOP
Moon shines down upon new fallen snow SEMI-COLON
it glistens with a million fallen stars FULL STOP
Deer feed under the canopy of trees COMMA
unaware of my never ending gaze FULL STOP
Picture postcard pefect PERFECT NOT PEFECT
but winter rests her cold hand
upon my shoulder COMMA
reminding me
warmth will be had
nevermore INCORRECT. SUMMER WILL COME
A bit of punctuation wouldn't come amiss.
Also, why not have an apostrophe in the title? Every little helps.
I do hope this helps
xxx
.
xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars
Geezer
Thu, 2019-12-12 10:16
I see...
the icicles [hung] by cold winter's hand. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
c lynn brooks
Thu, 2019-12-12 13:59
Alan
I have made corrections it is a never ending battle but if you research freeverse you will see it does not require punctuation however there are some folks that disagree with this theory but that's ok
Chrys
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c lynn brooks
Sat, 2019-12-14 06:54
Alan
Thank you for your input I meant winters as possesive will correct that
Chrys
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c lynn brooks
Thu, 2019-12-12 14:00
Guy
thanks for the read ad comment
Chrys
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scribbler
Thu, 2019-12-12 17:48
Punctuation..........
Well here I go again on the subject of punctuation. When I first started writing I never used punctuation in poetry. It was my opinion that pauses and stops would be supplied by the correct use of wording. I still think that a "perfectly" written poem can be left without punctuation. so now, everybody who writes such perfect poems please raise your hands.............yeah, nobody does this consistently. So for we poor mortals why not use punctuation in order to put in the pauses and such exactly where we want it?
c lynn brooks
Sat, 2019-12-14 06:56
Stan
will try to remember to do that although not needed I do so reluctantly lol
Chrys
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weirdelf
Tue, 2019-12-31 14:43
I'm on the no punctuation side for your poetry.
Your use of language is highly evocative and layered in meaning and symbolism and I know you don't like to spoon feed your reader. I love your style.
You are no where near as extreme as ee cummings though you do tread a fine line. As several remarked on "From Afar" they felt unsatisfied (I didn't). I could not fully explain the meaning and symbolism in all your works that I've read but I can feel it. Even if slightly out of reach I know it's there and that is sufficient for me.
It is not possible for me to read all the new posts but I'm going to keep an eye out for yours.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
c lynn brooks
Tue, 2019-12-31 16:20
Jess
omg what an undeserving critique you gave I cannot tell you how much your opinion means to me thnj you so much I have developed a nw style since the loss of my husband he gave me a whole new outlook
Chrys
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weirdelf
Tue, 2019-12-31 17:42
Please don't say 'undeserving'
It lessens both you and me. You know I never give praise lightly and my critique is reasonably well informed.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry