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Goodnight Kiss
Living in another world
singing a different song.
Keeps me away from you
it’s been for far too long.
So I’ll take the early plane
to get back home tonight.
I can’t get to sleep anymore
if I can’t kiss you goodnight.
Never wanted to go away
but I just thought I should.
Doing things, the best I can
to bring about some good.
I need to be home again
singing a familiar song.
Knowing I am with you
back where I belong.
I’m taking the early plane
to be home with you tonight.
Knowing we’ll be together
and I can kiss you goodnight.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words:
Been a while, my pen had dried up somewhat.
Tim
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
wesley snow
Tue, 2013-09-17 13:45
Seems rather wet to me.
A very sentimental piece.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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Timbo
Wed, 2013-09-18 05:13
wet
well, I live in a wet climate!
tim
Timbo
Wed, 2013-09-18 05:25
Responding
Responding to your comments Beau.
Good of you to take the time out to read and comment like you have and yes I do like the idea of this poem being a bit like a song.
I agree some of the ryhming needs abit of attention too although my only intended ryhme is the 2nd and 4th line in each verse.
I tend to stick to simple ryhme as much as possible or I got lost in trying to get out what I'm trying to say.
But even at my age I'm still learning .
thanks for the advice,
Tim
mand
Wed, 2013-09-18 08:22
Hi Timbo
This is a sweet poem. It exudes love and longing. I like the flow and the rhyming structure. I think this is an all round down to earth lovely poem.
Well done.
Mand xxxx
Timbo
Thu, 2013-09-19 04:46
Thank you
Thank you Mand,
Your comments are important to me and very meaningful and encouraging. My pen has been running on empty for a long time.
take care,
Tim
Ian.T
Thu, 2013-09-19 09:33
Tim
Just a song but songs are OK the sentiment is fine.
I see we must find the anger button to see what happens.
Take care and just write we will read,
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Timbo
Thu, 2013-09-19 09:57
Thanks for dropping by and
Thanks for dropping by and reading Ian.
best regards,
Tim
Rula
Fri, 2013-09-20 07:48
I would
change the last line to
"and I can kiss you goodnight"
to kiss you goodnight.
Have you joined the family yet?
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Timbo
Sat, 2013-09-21 05:40
Thank you Rula, I agree with
Thank you Rula, I agree with you about the last line, I'm not really happy with it.
Not sure if what you suggest works with the previous line, so I will have to give it some thought.
However, your feedback has confirmed to me I need to change it.
Not written for a while, in fact it's been 18 months, so I'm testing myself out with this one.
thanks,
Tim
lovedly
Thu, 2017-08-24 19:27
yes now I know
being the longest member of Neo
i have read you long ago
still young at heart
even retired now you are
as you say so
'twas long ago
just by the way
Now i rarely post
but poetry still flows
as comments
all know
so be free and frank
to wallow
hope you do follow
Timbo
Fri, 2017-08-25 04:45
thank you
Thanks for your excellent comment which you have clearly worked hard on.
take care, Tim
lovedly
Fri, 2017-08-25 18:16
did you not mean
hardly ......
if you do remember me
I am the only
off the cuff neopoet
and in the world
I never edit readers do it for me
thank ye
Timbo
Sat, 2017-08-26 05:55
Not sure
Not sure what you mean, but you do write some great stuff in your comments, Tim
lovedly
Sat, 2017-08-26 13:32
kindness
thank you
you do return after a very long time
hence you will slowly
catch up