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A Lifetime of Love
How quickly the time has passed
since the day you became my wife.
After all this time it feels as though
we’ve been together all of my life.
They have been mostly good years
the difficulties have been few.
And the best thing I have ever done
is to fall in love with you.
Now we have reached a special time
a celebration of a lifetime together.
We just want our life and love
to go on and just last forever.
You know how much I love you
and what you mean to me.
So I just want to wish you now
a happy anniversary.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words:
Ruby Wedding
Editing stage:
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Comments
Eduardo Cruz
Wed, 2011-04-13 08:27
Tim
Congrats!!
please let me suggest something, with no major change.
In the first stanza you used AB good, but you need to remove the second life
In the the second stanza the AB sounds forced or strained, it loses the flow of the first stanza. which is strong. think about if you want to, this is your write not mine. so I might see it differently. it is a heart warming write, I'm sure your lovely wife enjoyed it
Eddie C.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
Timbo
Wed, 2011-04-13 10:42
Eddie, I've done a second
Eddie, I've done a second edit, do you think it's improved things?
Tim
Timbo
Wed, 2011-04-13 09:35
Thank you Eddie!Tim
Thank you Eddie! I have revamped it a little.
Tim
Timbo
Wed, 2011-04-13 10:45
Hi Shirley, It is a new poem
Hi Shirley, It is a new poem written today and I've just done a second edit which I hope has made it better?
Eddie's prompt for me to have a rethink has helped me make it better, I hope!
take care,
Tim
Eduardo Cruz
Wed, 2011-04-13 22:46
Tim
Please don't be upset, this is good or rather better
But maybe these to lines might give it a little more,
like this
"We just want our life and love - We just want our love and life
to go on and just last forever." - To carry on forever and ever
The to evers give more imphasis on the life and love,
the just is for me like a place to stop in love
and I do believe that is your intention here.
Use it if you want or not, what you have now is very good
Eddie C.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
Timbo
Thu, 2011-04-14 04:26
Thanks again Eddie. Tim
Thanks again Eddie.
Tim
scribbler
Wed, 2011-04-13 22:50
hello
Congrats. I never critique poems written to loved one on such occasions, just bask in the joy of them..........scribbler
Timbo
Thu, 2011-04-14 04:27
Thanks for the response
Thanks for the response Scribbler.
Tim
CCfire
Thu, 2011-04-14 01:57
Congratulations
I would never crit a poem when it's one of celebration and love such as this, I am sure she will love it.
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
Timbo
Thu, 2011-04-14 04:28
Thank you Chez take care, Tim
Thank you Chez
take care,
Tim
magics02
Tue, 2011-05-24 11:42
Stumbled here
Hello Tim I have not seen you in a long while. Probably minding my other business lol
I really like this poetic write to your wife. No crit here for this is personal and heartfelt.
I do feel it though and I know this is a genuine write. Great job
Miss talking to you
Love
Mona
Timbo
Wed, 2011-06-01 11:36
Hi Mona,
Hi Mona,
Lovely to hear from you,
Many thanks,
Tim
vexations10
Tue, 2011-05-24 13:11
Ah, glad to see
you writing about such a time for the two of you. I link to follow you. I hope you don’t mind.
vexations
Timbo
Wed, 2011-06-01 11:37
Of course I don't mind,
Of course I don't mind, thanks.
Tim
loved
Sat, 2011-12-10 09:23
lovely poem
just remember,
if you may,
the sojourn is more pleasant,
than the destination
always..
loved
Timbo
Sat, 2011-12-10 10:45
Loved-- thanks for the nice
Loved-- thanks for the nice comment,
Tim