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With Dad
Gone and now cremated,
I wait for my sister
to meet me at his now-
once bungalow. Searching
through the remains,
sifting among clothes
he left behind,
I put on a jacket
hanging in the closet,
turn toward the mirror
on an opposing wall.
I see gray hair and a beard,
half a century old,
but below that,
the jacket swallows
the child: its shoulders end
at my biceps; the cuffs
of each sleeve brush
against my knuckles.
Blushing, I remove the coat,
turn back to the closet, and
return it to its rightful place.
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Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2023-06-07 07:20
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Thank you for sharing your poem "With Dad". Your poem is a poignant reflection on the experience of losing a loved one and the process of going through their belongings.
The imagery of sifting through your father's clothes and trying on his jacket is particularly powerful. It conveys a sense of longing to connect with him and to hold onto something tangible that reminds you of him. The contrast between the child-like size of the jacket and the adult narrator's body also adds to the emotional impact of the poem.
One suggestion for improvement would be to consider adding more sensory details to the poem. For example, you could describe the texture of the jacket or the smell of your father's belongings. This would help to immerse the reader in the experience and make the emotions of the poem more vivid.
Overall, "With Dad" is a moving and well-crafted poem. Thank you for sharing it with us.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
Wed, 2023-06-07 11:55
With Dad
Hello, Bill,
A well captured moment. I see the child in the mirror for a second or two. This poem is all heart, so still and private in thought. Tender title.
L
Bill Cushing
Wed, 2023-06-07 15:28
Thanks
What one can call a "true story," which was planted on the weekend I was in town for his memorial but was fleshed out in between flights on my return home while drinking a whiskey and water in O'Hare.
author commentLavender
Wed, 2023-06-07 19:29
A perfect place and time
to regard such notable feelings and thoughts. Even though there may have been many people around, it sounds like it was also a "With Dad" moment.
L
Tigger Kaz
Wed, 2023-06-07 18:07
My condolences
A lovely tribute to your dad.
Such emotive words.
I am sure your dad is proudly looking down on you.
Bill Cushing
Wed, 2023-06-07 19:51
Thanks
Sort of a funny story. My dad was an electrical engineer (I even worked for years as an electrician), and he never really said much about my writing once I dove into it. Then, after his memorial, one of his best friends told me that for years he'd been sending my work around for his buddies to read. Of course, like most father-son relationships, our was a weird one.
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