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Dream - Something you long for

Time is a great thief
Watch as it creeps into veins
Floods the bloodstream
Sucks a soul to a corpse

It has two steel legs
Hacking away at flesh
It is too cold, too unfeeling
To know its cruelty
It does not breathe
As you and I do
So it shreds unwittingly

It is a wheel
Turning and churning
It stops for no mortal

So when I sleep deathless dreams
I get on my skinned knees
And wish wish wish a dream
Of never-ending life
And oh what a dream it is.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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Not Explicit Content

Comments

Hello, Abby,
A direct and sharp piece which sends a message that time can be cruel and punishing, and cold hearted. (If it were to have a heart.) Your last stanza is the strongest, for me. Longing for a dream of never-ending life is captivating, and your final line feels so different from the rest of the poem - very illusive. Perfect ending. Couple minor misspellings: theif / thief, it's /its.
Thank you!
Lavender

Thank you for the feedback!

"To fly is to fall."

author comment

This is the grind of time in words. I see nothing I'd change well done!!

So when I sleep deathless dreams
I get on my skinned knees
And wish wish wish a dream
Of never-ending life
And oh what a dream it is.

I really love the ending though. No matter how dark the world is there is always a light somewhere. Even in our dreams.

Kind Regards Jayne

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

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