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Fate
Three hands turning in a circle
as day lifts her skirt to the night
one slower than the other
slower than the other
I want them to stop
take the darkness as my mistress
for tomorrow only brings
another day like today
and this day was unkind
But alas
the light shall come
like a bitch in heat
panting and pawing
scratching and clawing
til there is nothing left of me
but three hands
moving in a circle
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
eliminist
Thu, 2015-03-12 21:43
Brilliantly composed - cheers
Brilliantly composed - cheers....hope the coming days aren't unkind to u...
eightmenout
Fri, 2015-03-13 14:15
Thank you
for stopping by and leaving the compliment. Appreciate it.
Scott
scribbler
Thu, 2015-03-12 21:49
hello
I'm gonna return. I know there's an unstated message here but I'm too tired to find it tonight lol.....stan
eightmenout
Fri, 2015-03-13 14:15
Stan
Look forward to your return.
Scott
judyanne
Fri, 2015-03-13 07:41
a really good write
the descriptive is so clever - three hands going around and around... I love it
and day lifting her skirt ---
and the description of her coming like a bitch on heat -- one really gets the emotion of hatred for the day, for the life the narrator is living, and the ending so depicts that helplessness, and boredom
well done - one of the best reads I've had for a while (and I've been having some pretty good reads lately)
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
eightmenout
Fri, 2015-03-13 14:16
Judy
Thank you for stopping by and for the compliment. It means a lot.
Scott
raj
Fri, 2015-03-13 14:58
Hi Scott
Admire your vision and creativity in every verse of this poem of unique dimensions...I loved besides everything else "three hands moving in a circle" made me wow!you have discovered a novel poetic form....it was such a pleasure to read this after my struggles with Sonnets and meters...
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
eightmenout
Fri, 2015-03-13 15:30
Raj
Thanks for stopping by and having a read. Glad you enjoyed it
Scott