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Grey Skies
Grey skies, no sun in sight
Sitting in my favorite chair
Reflecting on the wreckage
That is my life
The realities that shattered
How I thought things would be
Are charging through the window
Splintering right against me
Bleeding the pain
From wounds that never heal
Over and over again
I was everybody's fool
You were supposed to love me
The way I still love you.....
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Tue, 2022-11-29 17:10
Heartbreaker...
this is a heartbreaker! Yeah, it happens, it hurts. The first line of the 2nd stanza seems a little stilted. I would use:
"The realities that shattered how I thought things were to be", or "The realities that shattered how I thought things would be."
This touched a nerve and I remembered; otherwise, a great poem. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
RoseBlack
Tue, 2022-11-29 18:50
Thank you
For fixing those lines. I played around with them and just couldn't quite get it right. I was hoping you would take a look. Yes...it hurts...I've been doing a lot of remembering and it still hurts...
~RoseBlack~
author commentLavender
Tue, 2022-11-29 20:57
Grey Skies
Hello, RoseBlack,
Painful words so well written. I'm sorry that you know this feeling so well.
Take good care,
L
RoseBlack
Wed, 2022-11-30 01:18
Thank you
Part of the human experience but one I wish I was less familiar.
~RoseBlack~
author commentRosewood Apothecary
Wed, 2022-11-30 07:09
Superb
Really super flowing. It dragged me along with haste to the ending. Excellent meter. Good soft rhyme.
Excellent job on a sad subject
Tim
RoseBlack
Wed, 2022-11-30 15:34
Thank you
I didn't even realize I used meter. It snuck up on me! Thank you for the positive comments on a difficult subject for me.
~RoseBlack~
author commentlovedly
Wed, 2022-11-30 09:33
After a very long sojourn now I've learned
After a very long sojourn
now I've learned
all of us face similarities in life
but
I found a solution too....
Never attach oneself
even with a puppy
they change too
Why do what aids heart breaking
be wild as the storms
which come and go
see no one
attach to nothing....
Let life move on
be happy you
are not alone there's company
basically in poemies ....
That's what I believe
rest is your own decision
a poet has one's own rendition
of mental illusion if any
intriguing
tc
Nice poetry
I have read so many
this is my maiden attempt
don't take it as waffle
I sincerely help others
Do you know me
may be
RoseBlack
Wed, 2022-11-30 15:35
Lovely
Thank you for your response
~RoseBlack~
author commentCandlewitch
Wed, 2022-11-30 10:45
dear RoseBlack,
this really resonated with me. I remember being lost in the thick of it... but time passes and so it will for you, too. someday it will be a distant memory and a twinge. I wish you good speed thank you for this poem. it brought me back just long enough to remind me to appreciate the winds of today.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
RoseBlack
Wed, 2022-11-30 15:35
Thanks Cat
As always for your insight and positive responses.
~RoseBlack~
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