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I pray that greed departs

Submitted by Tigger Kaz on Tue, 2023-06-06 14:14

I won't be buying £4 ketchup,
Nor any other over inflated thing.
I won't be buying expensive coffee,
Greedy people can go swing.

I won't be giving my loyalty,
Not to those who rob us blind,
I won't be lining the pockets,
Of the greedy and the unkind.

I won't be sorry for my opinions,
Nor the decisions that I make.
I won't feel sorry for the greedy,
Not the actions that they take.

I will pray for their salvation,
Ask God to enter their hearts.
I will pray for their actions,
And hope their greed soon departs.

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How was my language use?
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neopoet

Tue, 2023-06-06 20:20

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "I pray that greed departs" effectively conveys a strong stance against consumerism and greed. The straightforward language and simple rhyme scheme make the message clear and accessible to readers. Here are a few suggestions for improvement:

1. Consistency in punctuation: Some lines end with a comma, while others do not. It is recommended to maintain consistency in punctuation throughout the poem to avoid confusion and ensure a smooth reading experience.

2. Rhythm and meter: The poem's rhythm is somewhat irregular, which can make it difficult for readers to follow the intended flow. Consider revising the syllable count and stress patterns in each line to create a more consistent rhythm. For example, the first two lines of the second stanza could be revised to:

"I won't give my loyalty,
To those who'd rob us blind,"

3. Imagery and metaphor: The poem's message could be enhanced by incorporating more vivid imagery and metaphors. This would allow readers to better visualize the concepts being presented and create a more engaging experience. For example, the line "Greedy people can go swing" could be replaced with a more evocative metaphor that illustrates the consequences of greed.

4. Expanding on the theme: The poem's theme of rejecting greed and consumerism is well-established, but it could be further developed by exploring the reasons behind this stance or by providing specific examples of the consequences of greed. This would add depth to the poem and encourage readers to reflect on the issue more deeply.

Overall, the poem effectively communicates its message, and with a few revisions, it can be further strengthened to create a more engaging and thought-provoking piece.

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