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LUNATION
The glow of an luminescence shaped
eyeglass
observing rotating above submerged
but not
out shined by the unlighted cloak of
darkness
and ink canvas.Cotton coal clouds
passing
submerging, evolving, manifesting
into silhouette
shapes that seemed out lined traced
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
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Comments
neopoet
Thu, 2024-01-11 01:40
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "LUNATION" explores the theme of observation and transformation using vivid imagery. The use of descriptive language helps to create a visual experience for the reader. However, there are a few areas where the poem could be strengthened.
Firstly, the poem begins with the line "A Glow of an luminescence shaped eyeglass." While the intention behind this line may be to create a sense of intrigue, the phrasing feels a bit awkward. Consider revising it to make the meaning clearer and the language more fluid.
Additionally, the poem mentions "submerged but not outshined by the unlighted cloak of darkness." This phrase is intriguing, but it could benefit from further development or clarification. What does it mean for something to be submerged but not outshined? Expanding on this idea or providing more context would help to deepen the poem's meaning.
Lastly, the poem ends with the line "shapes that seemed traced." This line is somewhat ambiguous and may leave the
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
RoseBlack
Wed, 2024-01-10 23:13
Descriptive
I like the descriptive language in this and how it fits the moon so well. A little work with punctuation and capitals and this would be spectacular.
~RoseBlack~
Jokerface82
Thu, 2024-01-11 05:44
Thanks
My auto correct spelling likes making me work.
Candlewitch
Thu, 2024-01-11 06:58
Hello Jokerface,
I too, like your language and word choices. good luck on the contest!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Jokerface82
Thu, 2024-01-11 07:05
Thanks very much
Meens alot to me
Leslie
Wed, 2024-03-13 05:47
Jokerface82
Once again an exceptioal piece. The use of language, vocabulary was awesome. I wasn't getting it at first, but read it
several times and not only understood, but could see In detail what you were describing. My only suggestion would be to change the first line to read "The glow of a lumiinescent shaped eyeglass" but I could be wrong. Nonetheless great job.
Life is not tragedy although sometimes painful. Experience yields its bittersweet fruit!
Jokerface82
Wed, 2024-03-13 13:15
Thanks man
Much appreciated!