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NOW I DON'T WALK ALONE

Submitted by Jackweb on Tue, 2022-09-20 17:39

The light of your love shines within me,
my heart now swims in your brook,
the joy of my mind is now elevated,
now i'm relying in the arms of your love.

Day by day my soul sings a melody,
a rhythm of love that is unrelenting,
you know well you're my new crush,
and i'm ever ready to take you as mine.

For a real love never hides it self,
each moment it displays a feeling,
a feeling of romantic love and emotion,
you're now my dream, my dream reality.

your happiness is a link to my soul,
I'm poised to give you forever bliss,
a dignified love and a sound peace,
will I avail throughout your stay with me.

©Onyinyechi Cosmos Etu

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
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Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week Contest September 18 to September 24th 2022
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Wed, 2022-09-21 09:35

Geezer's picture
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a girl from your country, I would be impressed! You address the concerns of most women, with your profound pledge of love.
The only misstep I see is the tense of the line that says: "You [knew] well you're my new crush."] It should be [know].
Nice job. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Jackweb

Wed, 2022-09-21 10:48

Jackweb's picture

You really helped me here. Thanks for the eagle eye Gee...
Always grateful!
.

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

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