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Vertigo Universe!

VERTIGO UNIVERSE
SPINNING WILDLY OUT OF CONTROL

IT’S TAKEN YOUR MIND
YOUR BODY AND SOUL

BANISHED, EXILED
INTO A BLACK HOLE

THE DARKNESS WITHIN
HAS ENVELOPED YOUR SOUL

YOU’RE WALKING A WIRE
AND LOSING CONTROL

YOUR COGNITIVE CONSTRUCT
IS NO LONGER A ROLE

YOU CAN’T WAVE THE CONSEQUENCE
YOU MUST PAY THE TOLL

THEIR WORDS ARE INVASIVE
THEY CUT TO THE CORE

YOU CAN'T WAIT TO RUN AGAIN
MAKE A MOVE TOWARDS THE DOOR

BUT THEY TIE YOU AND BIND YOU
AND DRAG YOU TO THE FLOOR

YOUR SENTENCING IMMINENT
THEY WILL SETTLE THIS SCORE!

Review Request (Direction): 
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Vertigo Universe!" presents a vivid portrayal of a chaotic and oppressive universe. The use of strong, evocative language effectively communicates a sense of turmoil and distress. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved.

1. Consistency in Rhyme Scheme: The poem seems to follow an ABAB rhyme scheme in the first two stanzas, but this pattern is not consistently maintained throughout the poem. Consistency in rhyme scheme can help to create a more cohesive and rhythmic reading experience.

2. Varied Sentence Structure: The poem predominantly uses short, declarative sentences. While this can create a sense of urgency and intensity, varying sentence structure can add depth and complexity to the poem.

3. Show, Don't Tell: The poem often tells the reader what is happening, such as "IT’S TAKEN YOUR MIND, BODY AND SOUL" and "THE DARKNESS WITHIN HAS ENVELOPED YOUR SOUL". Using more descriptive and sensory language can help to show the reader these experiences, rather than simply telling them.

4. Clearer Narrative: While the poem effectively communicates a sense of chaos and oppression, the narrative can be somewhat unclear. Providing more context or details could help to clarify the narrative and enhance the reader's understanding.

5. Use of Capitalization: The poem uses all capital letters, which can create a sense of urgency or intensity. However, this can also make the poem more difficult to read. Consider using standard capitalization to improve readability.

6. Punctuation: The poem lacks punctuation, which can make it difficult to understand the intended rhythm and pauses. Adding punctuation can help to guide the reader through the poem.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Reminds me quite a bit of Jim Morrison and lyrics he had written for "When The Music's Over." I think I read that in his voice. I like your choice of format. It makes the poem more powerful. It also conveys an accurate depiction of today's world and society. Well done.

~RoseBlack~

The first psychologist that I ever saw told me about this situation. He had me read a book called the shoe leather treatment.
It was about the mistreatment that a patient received in a psych hospital. I never understood until I found myself in a similar
situation. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

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