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The Scream Continues
Floating above the darkness
Watching from the highest plane
Tree branches that turn to hands
Crooked fingers digging in
Blood dripping, dragging me under
Fighting, screaming, intertwined
The flames of love and hate burning my skin
The devil I know
Is safer than the one I don't
Our flesh combined, turns to dust
Raw and familiar
Will the pain ever end
The pounding, the shouting
My mind whirls
For Christ sake, just leave me here
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Workshop:
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Comments
scribbler
Tue, 2019-07-02 13:44
Hi there
This kinda Does remind me of that painting "The Scream". During times of stress it's often a good thing to let it out before it rots the spirit from the inside. For some strange reason I think next to last line would read better if you said " My mind whirls"...........maybe because whirl give a more chaotic feel?....stan
lonlyhrtsclub13
Tue, 2019-07-02 13:48
Thank you
For your insight. I like 'whirls' much better than spinning. It gives a twister effect which plays into the chaotic feel of the vision. Thank you!!!
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
weirdelf
Wed, 2019-07-10 06:09
I so applaud your courage and honesty
Carrie, for you alone I would have been happy to run this workshop.
Remember though, there are some really nice places to go to too.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
lonlyhrtsclub13
Wed, 2019-07-10 20:31
Thank you
Your praise means everything. I am just thrilled with this workshop and look forward to exploring the others you recently listed. Hopefully I will be able to visit some nicer places.
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"