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Sea Dog
I’ll follow yon’ stream, down south to the shore,
just go, with the flow, to the sea.
I’ll take myself off to hide my heart’s hurt,
become someone else ‘stead of me.
I’ll dream and deny the pain I can’t cry,
soothe soul, in my boat, by the bay.
I’ll take the high tide, lift anchor and glide,
steal stillness and stow it away.
Rub salt in my wounds and watch them all heal,
(old Sea-Dog had taught me that ruse.)
Make coastline my home, inland will not roam,
will take up again with my Muse!
And when the dawn breaks, comes casting its spell,
a new man you’ll find on the beach:
of seafaring bent, a jack-tar content,
with heart that bad love cannot reach!
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Heave to and show a leg, read me poem and feel me freedom!
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Alex Tanner
Mon, 2023-02-20 10:03
Well
Well me old pirate sail ye down to the pacific, find a dusky maid and sail the islands with your new shipmate. Loved the poem by the way. Alex
Blue-eyed Bolla
Wed, 2023-02-22 11:34
sea dog
Many thanks, Alex
KBloor
Geezer
Mon, 2023-02-20 11:14
A great sea-shanty...
I love it! ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Blue-eyed Bolla
Wed, 2023-02-22 11:34
sea dog
Many thanks, Geezer
KBloor
Seren
Mon, 2023-02-20 11:34
Dear KBloor
You got the making of greatness in you, but you got to take the helm and chart your own course.
Long John Silver -Treasure Planet
Don't ask me why but you made me think of that quote and I think it might be applied whichever way works for you ;)
I think it's an excellent poem me matey! I don't see anything to critique.
kind regards Seren/Jayne
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Blue-eyed Bolla
Wed, 2023-02-22 11:33
sea dog
Many thanks Seren, for your quote, kind comments and feedback on my poor little rhymes.
KBloor
Rosewood Apothecary
Mon, 2023-02-20 19:28
It is a sea shanty!
My only real exposure to sea shanties was through Jerry Garcia and David Grisman who recorded some obscure tunes as part of their acoustic series of recordings. This reads just like those tales.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6xbEV9xiTaU
Awesome
Tim
Blue-eyed Bolla
Wed, 2023-02-22 11:32
sea dog
Thanks Tim, I'll check out the link.
KBloor
Candlewitch
Wed, 2023-02-22 10:07
dear Blue,
this is great! much enjoyed.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Blue-eyed Bolla
Wed, 2023-02-22 11:31
sea dog
Thank you
KBloor