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The fog

Submitted by kowque on Wed, 2024-01-03 21:52

Try sleep.
Wake up,
Shaking,
Shaking,
Shaking.

Finally, sleep.
Wake up,
with a bloody mouth,
spikes attacking my temples,
and a bitten tongue.
The tremors must have come
to visit in my sleep,again.
Such dear, friends,
they are always close.

Try sleep.
Pills bring on the fog.
Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!
Wake up! Wake up! Just stay awake.
Don't let them see.
Don't give the fog Power.

The fog is not,
a dear friend.
The pills.
They open doors.
They open windows.
They find holes in the walls.
They invite the fog in.

Stay awake.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Thu, 2024-01-04 03:52

neopoet's picture
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It is not feasible to offer feedback.

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Leslie

Thu, 2024-01-04 22:53

Leslie's picture

I totally get it great job!

Today never knows what tommorow will bring!

Leslie

Thu, 2024-01-04 22:53

Leslie's picture

I totally get it great job!

Today never knows what tommorow will bring!

kowque

Fri, 2024-01-05 04:39

kowque's picture

The pills suck even more :(

Koki

author comment

Ruby Lord

Fri, 2024-01-05 05:16

Ruby Lord's picture

Hi Koki, your final stanza hits home.

The pills.
They open doors.
They open windows.
They find holes in the walls.
They invite the fog in.

I loved the repetition, it highlights meaning in your poem. Great job, I enjoyed it. Ruby :) xx

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

kowque

Sat, 2024-01-06 07:55

kowque's picture

:)

Koki

author comment

Leslie

Sat, 2024-01-06 12:09

Leslie's picture

I thimk you are a super heroine!

Today never knows what tommorow will bring!

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