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THE MESSENGER!

Submitted by Leslie on Wed, 2024-07-31 06:57

The messenger holds the power
and possesses all the keys.
The keys to make things right or wrong,
throughout eternity.
We think we offer good advice
when we speak the things we feel,
but the truth rings out when we overstep
natural boundaries
We can't always control our words
they fall from lips too casually,
but if we'll listen with our hearts
the truth we just might see.
So engage each individual, with a listening ear
try to find their heart of hearts
their deepest darkest fear
Let others govern their own lives
let them think and feel
Let your heart, be full of love
give strength through empathy.

Review Request (Intensity):

I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Review Request (Direction):

Is the internal logic consistent?

Last few words:

I'm not saying not to give advice. What I'm saying is to do it carefully. You never know who's life you will change.

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

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Comments

neopoet

Wed, 2024-07-31 13:00

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem effectively uses metaphor and imagery to convey a message about the power of communication and empathy. The concept of the messenger holding keys to right or wrong is a strong metaphor that sets the tone for the rest of the poem.

The poem could be improved by refining the rhythm and meter. For instance, the line "So engage each individual, with a listening ear" disrupts the rhythm established in the previous lines. Consider revising this line to maintain the flow of the poem.

The theme of empathy is introduced in the last four lines of the poem. To strengthen this theme, consider incorporating it earlier in the poem. This could be achieved by subtly hinting at the theme in the earlier lines, which would make the conclusion more impactful.

The poem could also benefit from more concrete imagery. While the metaphor of the messenger and keys is effective, concrete, sensory details could make the poem more vivid and engaging. For example, instead of saying "they fall from lips too casually," you could describe the specific consequences of words falling too casually.

Lastly, the poem's message about the importance of listening and empathy is clear, but it could be more nuanced. Consider exploring the complexities of these themes to add depth to the poem. For example, you could delve into the challenges of truly listening to others or the difficulties of empathizing with someone who has a drastically different perspective.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Candlewitch

Wed, 2024-07-31 07:45

Dear Leslie,

Somehow you double posted...Please delete ONE of them.

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Candlewitch

Wed, 2024-07-31 08:04

I will critique...

the one left standing, lol!

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Candlewitch

Wed, 2024-07-31 12:05

Dear Leslie,

These are my favorite lines:

So engage each individual, (I would break this line into two. and capitalize the W)
with a listening ear
try to find their heart of hearts
their deepest darkest fear

*hugs, Cat

p.s.
I really admired and agree with your "Last Few Lines!"

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Leslie

Wed, 2024-07-31 12:24