The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem effectively communicates a poignant narrative of aging and the emotional complexities of familial relationships. The use of conversational language and simple rhyming scheme makes the poem accessible and relatable. However, there are areas where the poem could benefit from further refinement.

1. Consistency in punctuation: The poem lacks consistent punctuation, which can make it difficult for readers to follow the intended rhythm and pauses. For example, the first two lines could be punctuated as "My son told me, 'Dad, you're just getting old. I just don’t have the time to visit anymore.'"

2. Use of metaphor: The poem could benefit from the use of more metaphorical language to deepen the emotional resonance. For example, the line "I turned to face the wall" could be expanded to something like "I turned to face the cold, unfeeling wall" to add more emotional depth.

3. Exploration of themes: The poem touches on themes of aging, loneliness, and parental sacrifice. It could be beneficial to further explore these themes and their interconnections. For example, the poet could delve deeper into the speaker's feelings of loneliness and how they are tied to the son's absence.

4. Rhythm and meter: The poem's rhythm could be improved by ensuring a more consistent meter. For example, the line "And now I’m left alone" disrupts the rhythm established in previous lines. It could be revised to "And now alone I'm left" to maintain the meter.

5. Clarity of message: The final stanza introduces the idea of wanting to die, which seems to deviate from the main theme of aging and familial relationships. The poet might consider revising this stanza to more clearly tie it back to the main themes.

Overall, the poem has a strong emotional core and effectively communicates the speaker's feelings of loneliness and disappointment. With some refinement in the areas mentioned, it could become even more impactful.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

I like the title you have chosen. In reading this poem I traveled with you through raising your child. All that love and care through skinned knees and scraped elbows...What would have become of him, if you had quit in the middle? If you had said, "that is it, I am done! and left him on his own? this poem makes me angry at all the dead-beat sons out there! Excellent work, my friend! these lines just rang out and caught me:

And when we want to die,
Just, give up the ghost
You take away that something
That we seemed to need the most

*many hugs, Cat

this is the case.
The young are anxious to move ahead, and we are too slow to keep up with their frantic pace.
I have seen it many times, far too often to suit me. The socio-norms are not like they were a few generations past.
Back around a hundred years ago, only the rich and well-off, could afford nursing homes for their elderly family members.
Grandmas and grandpas were still part of the family, not just in the way. They could be useful as baby-sitters, dog walkers,
cooks and in general, a help to the family; and when the time came that they could no longer do any of these things,
they were still revered members and historians of the family. They rembered where they and you came from.
My only criticsms of this piece are, that you have far too many [justs] in there. The rhyme, that is evident, is not cohesive,
and does not follow any particular pattern. I suggest that you make the rhyme a bit more prominent. ~ Geez.
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