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if despair had a name
if he brings a midnight poem he's written
will i let him read it
will we read it a few times
out loud, as we have in the past
and if he shoots like a rocket
into the forest, igniting the fire
as he has in the past
will i want to see him again
because his voice
lifts the gray from flowers
because he says i swell and
break the silence within him
i have carried him
sleep-quiet and placed his
broken body in the arms of aphrodite
to let the shadows fall away
so i could see his heart
resembled mine
yet i want to ask him
when will i know enough
to stand still
to find our truth, love
and all the nonsensical things
before it's lost
in the maelstrom of consequence
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction):
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Editing stage:
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Comments
raj
Wed, 2011-07-20 23:42
Chez
i loved the feeling of despair expressed so very vividly in this write...
do you thing "i have cradled him" would read better?..just a wee bit of suggestion...
raj (sublime_ocean)
CCfire
Thu, 2011-07-21 00:20
Thanks Raj but it's carried
Thanks Raj but it's carried and placed him so cradled would mean I never put him down lol..
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
raj
Thu, 2011-07-21 14:26
Yeah...you are right about it
Yeah...you are right about it. Chez..
raj (sublime_ocean)