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Could have, would have, should have
Writers folly could have thrown me into decline
Shaking my whims out of my mind
As I slide down a banister of foolish delight
Think "I would not be sliding if my head was on right"
Would have froze with my foes as I faced all their might
Should have ghastly gone fourth writing tales of trite fright
Macabre apparitions watching out for whats getting me
Would have locked away my wonder wishing I could just let it be
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
This is a somewhat new style of poetry for me, I usually do free verse poems with more imagery and storytelling aspects. Feel free to let me know how to improve my work on this style, as I would like to expand my horizon.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Tue, 2023-04-11 03:11
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
/5
The poem "Could have, would have, should have" lacks coherence and structure. It jumps from one idea to another without proper transition or development. The first two lines seem promising, but the rest of the poem fails to follow through. The use of rhyming is inconsistent and appears forced in some instances.
Additionally, the poem lacks depth and originality. The themes of writer's block and self-doubt have been explored extensively in literature and require a unique perspective or take to stand out. The language and imagery used are also quite simplistic and do not add much to the poem's overall impact.
One suggested line edit could be changing "Should have ghastly gone fourth writing tales of trite fright" to "Should have boldly gone forth, writing tales of daring might." This edit not only improves the rhyme scheme but also adds more positive and empowering language to the poem.
Overall, "Could have, would have, should have" falls short in terms of structure, depth, and originality. It requires more development and refinement to truly stand out as a poem.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
Tue, 2023-04-11 10:28
I get where you are...
coming from here.
Trying to use the title of the poem
for the basis of the work.
You say that you are not used to rhyming and ask for help.
I think you are brave to make a try at the folly of it.
Rhyming is not easy work, it requires that you think ahead a little
and maybe some back-tracking. I do it all the time
and I have been writing in rhyme for most of my poetry career.
My suggestion is to put your ideas down on paper or
[I use the notepad on my computer], then work at it from there.
For instance:
Writing folly could throw me in decline
from the original line of "Writer's folly could have thrown me in decline"
Shaking those whims out of my mind [use those instead of my]
Slide the banister of foolish delight
I wouldn't slide, if my head was right
Try to eliminate all the extra words that do not change the meaning of the line.
Now, the lines appear as:
Writing folly could throw me in decline
shaking the whims out of my mind
Slide down the rails of foolish delight -exchange [rails] for banister, to make smoother
I wouldn't slide, if my head was on right
Would have froze against foes and their might
Should have gone forth, with tales of trite fright
Macabre apparitions watch what's getting me
Should have locked away wondering, how could it be?
Of course, I always say that this advice is just that, advice!
Twist it, use it or abuse it, it's yours for the taking, you may find something
in it to use and make your own way. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Di Gioia
Thu, 2023-04-13 02:27
Thank you!
Wow, this was truly amazing advice!! It was very constructive and I believe this could really improve my poetry in the future! I cannot thank you enough.
Di Goia
Geezer
Thu, 2023-04-13 10:57
You are...
welcome! I think that you will know when you get it right; sometimes I work something over a couple of days, before I feel it's right, sometimes, it just flows from beneath my four finger typing and in a hour or so... Anyway, one last piece of advice: Read aloud; you will find the stumbles in meter and rhyme and be able to fix them much easier. I look forward to seeing you blossom in the role of rhymer! You can thank me by applying yourself and becoming a better poet, no matter if you rhyme or not. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
RoseBlack
Wed, 2023-04-12 17:59
Well done
I have an affliction for the macabre and enjoyed the dark feel to this poem. It has a little bit of a Lewis Carroll feel to it. I could definitely feel the story piece of it. Well done!
~RoseBlack~