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Count and Share your Blessings

Submitted by Tigger Kaz on Mon, 2024-08-12 18:09

The pace of life seems crazy,
In who it leaves behind.
Yet the greed of the wealthy,
Means too many do not mind.

A cavernous void, for the supposed lazy,
With few hands to lift them out.
When alright jacks have plenty,
Caring little for those with nought.

Empathy lacking, apethetic souls,
Blinded by selfish greed,
Have lost the ability,
To share with those in need

Narratives of competition,
Knocked their kindness away.
Changed their life's direction,
And led them all astray

Be not like these unkindly people,
Proffer a hand to help the poor.
For tomorrow is not yet come,
And you don't know what's in store.

Life changes on a hairpin,
your luck could turn around.
Fame and fortune today,
Tomorrow could run you aground.

Feel grateful for your blessings,
Leave jealousy at the door,
Share good fortune with each other,
And stop perpetually wanting more.

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Contest:

Neopoet Weekly 08/11/24 to 08/17/24

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

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Comments

neopoet

Tue, 2024-08-13 01:05

Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version

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Geezer

Tue, 2024-08-13 08:41

I really enjoyed...

hearing the British accent as I read this.
[The words you choose]. I thought that you wrote some very true lines,

"Empathy lacking, apethetic souls,
Blinded by selfish greed,
Have lost the ability,
To share with those in need"

It seems that the richer some get, the less they think about the poor.
Very nice job, ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Tigger Kaz

Tue, 2024-08-13 11:42