Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Dig it!
It's Autumn in San Diego
rockin’ guitars
make a clamorous sound
The stage lights go up
my mind is on fire
the screaming begins
as we step to the stage
A loud riff rings out
Rock and roll, never ends!
I'm belting it out
with an ominous sound
the crowd's goin' crazy
as we lay it on down
all in the fall of 79'
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
In the fall of 1979 I sang in a talent show at Clairemont High school. Later they made a movie about the school called "Fast times at Ridgemont High! By the way, we won the contest!
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
User login
Author information
Region & Country
South Ogden, Utah
Favorite Poets
Jon Anderson, Jon Ondrasik, Donald Fagen, Sting, Eric Bloom, and all of the poets at neo.
Other recent work
Active Workshops & Contests
Contest
Workshop
- Wading Pool: Neopoet How To Video Resources
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 2
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 1
- Plunge Pool: Stream Workshop
Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2024-08-28 10:31
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem successfully uses vivid imagery and strong verbs to create a dynamic atmosphere, effectively conveying the energy and excitement of a rock concert. However, the poem could benefit from more varied and complex sentence structures to add depth and interest. The use of more descriptive language could also enhance the reader's understanding and appreciation of the setting and events.
The phrase "rockin’ guitars make a clamorous sound" could be expanded upon to provide more detail about the sound of the guitars. For example, are they distorted, clean, or overdriven? What kind of music are they playing? This could help to create a more immersive experience for the reader.
The line "the crowd's goin' crazy as we lay it on down" could also be developed further. What specifically is causing the crowd to go crazy? Is it the music, the energy of the performers, or something else? Providing more detail here could help to create a more vivid and engaging picture of the scene.
Finally, the reference to "the fall of 79'" at the end of the poem seems somewhat disconnected from the rest of the text. It might be helpful to incorporate this detail earlier in the poem, or to provide some context to help the reader understand its significance.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Rula
Wed, 2024-08-28 06:04
Congratulations
On an earlier win.
A piece that rocks and rolls! I especially like the strong feeling of enthusiasm. Great moments and good job.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Leslie
Wed, 2024-08-28 10:08
Dig it!
This is what I have lived for, for along time! Thanks fo r reading and have a great day.
Today never knows what tommorow will bring!
author commentAlex Tanner
Wed, 2024-08-28 07:44
Oh! Yes.
It's a great feeling. So many years ago I had a blues band till we went our separate ways. No drugs but lots of girls, I often wonder what might have been. Great days. Alex.
Leslie
Wed, 2024-08-28 10:14
Dig it!
Hey Alex, you're from the UK, did you ever meet or hear any great guitarists. I sure wish I did! Anyway have a great day!
Today never knows what tommorow will bring!
author commentAlex Tanner
Wed, 2024-08-28 10:35
One or Two
I met Phil May (vocalist) Viv Prince (Drums) and Dick Taylor (Guitarist who often performed with the Stones.) of The Pretty Things. Also met Davy Jones at the Winter Gardens, Ventnor, where he did a summer season with his blues band.He went on to become David Bowie. Also met,very briefly. Bob Dylan. When he performed at the IOW festival in 68 or 9 He stayed at a converted farmhouse not a quarter mile from where my wife to be lived. Met him when we were walking the dog along the cliffs. Got a pleasant hallo and smile from him and he patted the dog. (Thought later about having him stuffed, the dog I mean). For a couple of evenings we would get outside of the old converted barn, not too close cos of the security. We could just about see in and saw and heard him play with George Harrison. Fortunately few people knew where he was staying so there were only about a dozen there. Great days.
Leslie
Thu, 2024-08-29 00:52
Now I dig it...
I was more into 70's rock Led Zeppelin, Queen etc. It must have been so cool to be young back then. A different tribe would have been better for me. None the less I think its awesome that you got to meet all of those guys. I can' t begin to imagine how it was for you! Now you're a hero just for living back then.
Today never knows what tommorow will bring!
author commentCandlewitch
Wed, 2024-08-28 08:02
Dear Leslie,
I am so glad that you have these memories of music and group unity. This poem flows so well it almost takes my breath away! I cannot quote favorite lines because they are unbreakable.
on your "Last few words" incredible!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Leslie
Wed, 2024-08-28 10:24
Dig it!
I'm glad that you liked this poem. You always say the coolest things. you always help me have a better day. Do you ever think in poetic language? As much as you write I bet you do.
Today never knows what tommorow will bring!
author commentCandlewitch
Wed, 2024-08-28 10:31
Dear Leslie,
yes I do! how did you know? I am pleased;)
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Leslie
Thu, 2024-08-29 00:57
Cat...
The way I see it you must think in poetry because I do too! Such a good freind, I hope you always do!
Today never knows what tommorow will bring!
author commentPunkyfrewster
Wed, 2024-08-28 18:51
Dig It
What great memories! I can almost hear the music!
Leslie
Thu, 2024-08-29 01:01
Dig it!
You can, just tune in to spotify and turn on some Zep and some ACDC. Rock and Roll and Whole Lotta Rosie the live version from if you want blood!
Today never knows what tommorow will bring!
author commentcaptain 2
Thu, 2024-08-29 00:24
hello!
Awhhh....that last line, and everything snaps together. You had me, then it shifted to something even deeper. You became my mate, remembering something so sweet. I don't have your memory - I can't imagine the power of being in rock band! and belting it out! the lead singer! wow!.... but I can imagine it. And your description brings me to my own specific nostalgias. Perfect poem!
best.
captain
Leslie
Thu, 2024-08-29 01:04
Dig it!
Thanks man it definately was so very cool. The crowd was screaming and really digging it!
Today never knows what tommorow will bring!
author comment