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A Fruitless Father

Submitted by Mr joghe on Tue, 2023-10-03 23:43

For a length of days of longing for life;
Chasing around air
From horizontal to vertical axes,
Read a horary I made for you
Like zoanthropy property.
A square peg in a round hole,
Is that way you live your life?
Rather be a tale of moon sing by nippers
Or rat-hole to the households;
Your breeds cause babble in the streets
When their middle-age life are mess
They're beggars in every nook and cranny
With hope of securing a home;
In all the above senses, home is brutal.
A pathologist diagnosed your loss of originality
While you ran away from the sky for healing
Your legs raced faster in a potholes road,
Jingled like key in the keyhole
Dangling and swinging to and fro
Around the cardinal directions
Homeless perseverance presides your destitute of hope
Child- upbringing is not your ultimate priority;
Then, what is your asset?
You're nothingness’
While emptiness is your expectation.

Review Request (Intensity):

I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

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How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Last few words:

The poem emphasizes the importance of child upbringing in the society. It also points at the parents' attitudes towards child training and child negligence.

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Contest:

October 2023 New Member Contest

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

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