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Higher and Higher

Submitted by Shelby Pryor on Fri, 2024-07-19 14:35

I've been on my back lately
I haven't tried getting up
I've embraced the tears
But enough is enough

I won't just get up now
I'll rise like a Phoenix
Shaking the ashes off
The life that I'll fix

I will not be passive
It is time to ravage
The fear inside me
I'll attack like a savage

Wipe the blood from my lip
Dust the dirt off my hands
For victory belongs to the one
Who runs, not who stands

Fire comsumes my heart
Burning up all the pain
You might have crushed me
But it was not in vain

What destroys the others
Will not mar my skin
The scars are finally fading
My thread no longer thin

So watch my eyes ignite
Watch my steps shift
I'll treat my life not as
As a curse but a gift

I am done holding back
Living like a caged-up lion
I will keep getting up
When it feels like I'm dyin'

So give me back the pen
Only I can write my story
Every drop of blood spilled
Is another step towards glory

You can deliver a steep uppercut
But I'm a last round fighter
Even with you pushing me down
I keep flying Higher and Higher

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Contest: 
Neopoet Weekly 07/14/24 to 07/20/24
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Fri, 2024-07-19 20:40

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Higher and Higher" conveys a powerful message of resilience and determination in the face of adversity. The imagery of rising like a Phoenix and shaking off ashes to rebuild a life is vivid and evocative. The use of metaphors such as fire consuming the heart and scars fading adds depth to the emotional journey described in the poem.

One suggestion for improvement would be to consider varying the rhythm and structure of the poem to enhance its impact. Experimenting with different line lengths or stanza breaks could create a more dynamic flow and engage the reader even further. Additionally, paying attention to the consistency of rhyme and meter throughout the poem can help maintain a cohesive and polished style.

Overall, "Higher and Higher" is a compelling piece that captures the theme of resilience with passion and conviction. Refining the structure and flow of the poem could elevate its emotional resonance and make it even more impactful for the reader.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Rula

Sat, 2024-07-20 13:47

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message. I like the language as it is straight forward and relatable. The ending Is especially powerful as it reinforces the pursuit of greatness despite setbacks.
Keep up the good work.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words ........Robert Frost☺

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Lavender

Sun, 2024-07-21 00:23

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Hello, Shelby,
So good to see your writing! I agree with Rula, though I may be saying it a bit differently - "A bloody good and significant message!" This is what happens when "eyes ignite." Full of pep and fire!
Thank you!
L

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