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I NEVER KNEW
I never knew... FIRE!
Until I met her body's heat,
I thought I had tasted of desire
Before she layed me low at her feet
Battling a need so deadly, so dire.
I never knew of honey drips
Leaking from little perfect lips
Nor had I, the inkling,
That lovely ravaging lightning
Could crack at the summit of fingertips.
I might swear upon my hopping heart
Or the blood that in me seeps –that,
Before she had her arms around me
On that lonely darkened street, Mosa Lee
I never once was held, thus and so...
By such a soul.
To touch her was to live for her,
To taste her was to perish, right there.
A man without her is a man without bliss
I never knew a thing but I do know this
The permission to breath that she gave
My dry white bones shall crave,
One day, from deep within the bowels
Of my waiting grave.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
This poem is about a woman I once loved unwillingly but yet desparately, a woman I should never have touched for she was never mine, she was his.
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Edgar Allen Poe, Robert Frost, Lord Byron, Kalil Jibran
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Comments
neopoet
Sun, 2024-07-28 18:30
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
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Words Ablaze
Mon, 2024-07-29 02:26
Come on Neo.... You are still
Come on Neo.... You are still pissed. I'm sorry alright.
author commentkowque
Sun, 2024-07-28 13:59
Tho
Salt
Koki
Words Ablaze
Mon, 2024-07-29 02:22
Matswai ngwanaka lol.
Matswai ngwanaka lol.
author commentLeslie
Sun, 2024-07-28 14:23
I NEVER KNEW
Avery provocative and sensual poem. I personally would have left out the last two stanzas, none the less it left me with fire!
Great job!
All of God's children singing, holding hands in the rain!
Words Ablaze
Mon, 2024-07-29 02:20
Thank you for your feedback..
Thank you for your feedback.. And you are right, the power of language might just change the world.
author commentGeezer
Mon, 2024-07-29 09:26
The rhyme scheme is not what
The rhyme scheme is not what I would use, but I do believe that it all hangs together.
You have painted a picture of forbidden love; I'm not sure if it is because of a danger to your health, [from him]
or because he is someone dear to you. Maybe you should make that clear? ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Words Ablaze
Tue, 2024-07-30 04:54
Both. He's a friend. What
Both. He's a friend or very less so now. What rhyme scheme might you use? I got other poems that give the reason why it's forbidden. On this one I just wanted to focus on her.
Thank you for pitching in.
author commentGeezer
Tue, 2024-07-30 08:40
I would have...
used quatrains and iambic-pentameter. Just my preferred type of rhyme. I think that it usually works very well for storytelling. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Words Ablaze
Wed, 2024-07-31 03:27
I'll try that champ. Might
I'll try that champ. Might just be the one thing I need to reach another level. Problem is I've never really looked at this formal rhymes.. I just have thought and jump in and grab whatever rhyme I can get on this emotional roller coaster of expression.
author commentGeezer
Wed, 2024-07-31 10:50
Have no doubt...
you are a good poet, don't settle for being less than you might. When we had any number of labs/workshops, I joined most of them, I got some good out of all of them. I have more or less settled my preference on couplets and different forms of rhyme to facilitate my storytelling. However, I have some free verse pieces that I am very proud of. I have deliberately, gotten better acquainted with a lot of different types of poetry. Cast about, try different things, see the ones that you like, you will never be disappointed that you did. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Words Ablaze
Thu, 2024-08-01 03:20
That sounds exciting... I
That sounds exciting... I shall.
author commentkowque
Wed, 2024-07-31 12:51
Quantrains
Sounds like many trains
Sorry I had to say
Koki
Geezer
Wed, 2024-07-31 20:34
LoL...
Koki, It was funny. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Words Ablaze
Thu, 2024-08-01 03:24
LOL. I get it.. When you have
LOL. I get it.. When you have to say it.. You have to say it.. Right?
author commentCandlewitch
Tue, 2024-07-30 08:31
hello Words Ablaze
I am blown away by your poem! It is a poem filled with passion and longing... and the beauty of love unfulfilled. There is true heat in this lovely piece, and I feel it from my heart down to my toes. These lines especially, floored me and I admired:
I never knew... FIRE!
Until I met her body's heat,
I thought I had tasted of desire
Before she layed me low at her feet
Battling a need so deadly, so dire.
Please keep writing poetry with such emotion.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Words Ablaze
Wed, 2024-07-31 03:33
Wow. You just made my day.
Wow. You just made my day. That's why we do it isn't it, for the hope that atleast one soul might see with my eyes, feel with my heart and know exactly what I felt, to live as me for just a few lines. Thank you so much for opening your heart to the poem that's the only way you can live a poem.
author commentCandlewitch
Wed, 2024-07-31 07:51
Dear Words Ablaze...
It was my pleasure!
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Lavender
Wed, 2024-07-31 13:15
I Never Knew
Hello, Words Ablaze,
"The permission to breathe..." Very strong language throughout showing the deep feelings and desperation you mention in your last few words.
Thank you!
L
Words Ablaze
Thu, 2024-08-01 03:28
Yep. I was desperate alright.
Yep. I was desperate alright. That girl got me good.
Thanks for pitching in L, always a pleasure to have your thoughts.
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