Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

A love like ours

In a world where hearts are cold and weary,
Our love burns bright, so pure and cheery.
With every beat, our souls entwine,
A love so deep, it's almost divine.

Like a gentle breeze on a summer's day,
Our love whispers sweet nothings in every way.
In the darkest night, you're my shining star,
Guiding me through, no matter how far.

In your embrace, I find my peace,
A love like ours will never cease.
Through storms and struggles, we'll remain strong,
For you are where I truly belong.

Every touch, every kiss, speaks volumes untold,
In your arms, I feel safe and bold.
Our love is like a beautiful song,
Playing and dancing all day long.

So let's cherish this love, so rare and true,
For there's nothing in this world I wouldn't do.
With you by my side, I'll always be,
Forever and ever, just you and me.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "A love like ours" employs a consistent rhyme scheme (ABAB) which gives it a rhythmic flow and makes it enjoyable to read. However, the use of common metaphors such as "a gentle breeze on a summer's day" or "you're my shining star" could be replaced with more original, unique imagery to make the poem more distinctive and memorable.

The poem's theme of enduring love is clear and well-developed throughout the stanzas. The repetition of the phrase "A love like ours" emphasizes the theme and creates a refrain that ties the poem together. However, the poem could benefit from a deeper exploration of this love. What makes it so unique and special? What specific experiences or moments have shaped it?

The poem's language is generally clear and accessible, but there are moments where it becomes a bit cliched, such as "In your arms, I feel safe and bold." To enhance the emotional impact of the poem, consider using more specific, concrete language that shows the reader exactly what this love looks like, feels like, and means to the speaker.

The final stanza of the poem effectively concludes the piece, reaffirming the speaker's commitment and love. However, the line "For there's nothing in this world I wouldn't do" is a bit vague. What exactly is the speaker willing to do for love? Providing specific examples could make this declaration more powerful and convincing.

Overall, this poem has a solid foundation and effectively communicates its theme. With some revisions to enhance the originality of its imagery and the specificity of its language, it could be even more impactful.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Hello, Blakkout,
The simplicity and gratitude in this is enchanting. There is nothing pretentious or forced. It flows gracefully and the language is sincere and tender. Lovely!
Thank you,
L

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.