Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Universal Love

The sun appears huge, sets on the distant Pacific horizon.
Paints the sky with fiery hues, a mixture of burning passion.
A surge of emotion comes, mother nature draws a breath.
As light slowly turns to dark there are whispers, goodbye my love, I shall return for you,
I am the unwavering faith, your ever-present universe.

The moon rises from the darkness, silver reflections off oceans of love.
I know of your sadness, an entire life’s worth,
The stars cannot decide on or off, they flicker, faint and so distant.
Soon, I feel you once again, you come to me,
Fresh, I delight in you.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
Editing stage: 
Contest: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem demonstrates a strong understanding of visual imagery and personification. The sun and moon are not just celestial bodies, but characters with emotions and intentions. This gives the poem a sense of depth and complexity.

However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of meter and rhythm. The lines vary in length and syllable count, which can disrupt the flow of the poem and make it harder for the reader to follow.

Additionally, the poem's theme of universal love is not fully explored. The sun and moon are symbols of love, but their relationship to each other and to the speaker is not clearly defined. The poem could be strengthened by further developing this theme and exploring the ways in which love is universal.

Lastly, the use of the phrase "oceans of love" is a bit cliché. The poem could benefit from a more unique or unexpected metaphor to describe the depth and breadth of love.

In conclusion, while the poem demonstrates a strong use of imagery and personification, it could be improved by focusing on rhythm, theme development, and the use of original metaphors.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

I see the title, is that there is a love that fills the universe; one that you've personally experienced. I admire the amount of
purpose in this one. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Hello, Mark,
"I know of your sadness, an entire life's worth." That is true, universal love. Very poetic language. Dear Mother Nature.
Thank you!
L

Making a comment after Lavender and Geez is like being thrown into a fire, but I think that the key word is "fresh." After
being enveloped by night, the universal return of light brings a new "fresh delight". I enjoyed this. My personal preferance
would be to add a nuance more personal, in our universal connectedness and relationship with the moon, stars, sun and the universe itself. Having said that, our limited understanding of their true universal language leaves the poem in beautiful display, at least to my understanding. Great poem! Beautifully written.

Today never knows what tommorow will bring!

Great poem Mark, I really enjoyed it, especially these lines

A surge of emotion comes, mother nature draws a breath.
As light slowly turns to dark there are whispers, goodbye my love, I shall return for you,
I am the unwavering faith, your ever-present universe.

Communications are highly valued.

I wholeheartedly agree! Absolutely beautiful work Mark!

<3

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.