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Wandering soul
I keep thinking about you
My mind can't help but
Wander to your ethereal face,
Your divine soul
Thus not thinking about you
Feels like running through
A dark,eerie forest
Full of raven shadows
Where whispers haunt my every step,
And the path ahead
Is shrouded in mystery,
Leaving me lost
and searching for your azure light
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Tue, 2024-07-09 14:42
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Wandering Soul" presents a clear narrative and effectively uses imagery to convey the speaker's longing and sense of loss. However, there are several areas where the poem could be improved.
Firstly, the poem could benefit from more specific and unique descriptions. While phrases like "ethereal face" and "divine soul" are evocative, they are also somewhat generic. The poem could be more impactful if it included specific details that make the object of the speaker's affection unique.
Secondly, the poem could benefit from a more varied sentence structure. Most of the lines in the poem are of similar length, which can make the poem feel monotonous. Varying the length of the lines could add a dynamic rhythm to the poem and make it more engaging to read.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from a clearer resolution. The speaker's journey through the "dark, eerie forest" is a compelling metaphor for their emotional state, but the poem ends somewhat abruptly with the speaker "searching for your azure light". Providing a clearer resolution could make the poem more satisfying for the reader.
In conclusion, while the poem effectively conveys the speaker's longing and sense of loss, it could be improved with more specific descriptions, varied sentence structure, and a clearer resolution.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
Tue, 2024-07-09 11:45
Wandering Soul
Hello, Mini,
This is beautiful and mysterious. I really like the opposing light and dark contrast and language. Love the ethereal reference (spell check). It adds to the imagery in the last line. And the title enhances the mood of the poem - I cannot tell who is the wandering soul, the subject of the poem, or the narrator. Or both. Lovely!
Thank you!
L
Mini
Tue, 2024-07-09 14:24
Thank you!
Thank you!
Manja