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WARMTH

Submitted by tyro on Thu, 2018-05-31 16:22

Cover my trunk,
I would have it warm.

The mother carries
For nine months.
The bird sits her eggs.
Why not then want warmth
Life springs from there;

Do not buds unfold in beauty,
Within earth's warm arms.!

So, cover my bosom
My vitals lodge there,
My instinct and my heart

And though the brain
Parades upon the neck,
Within its cranium cave;

It is in the bosom
My mind finds warmth.

So cover my trunk
I would have it warm.

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Comments

raj

Thu, 2018-05-31 16:32

Hi tyro

"warmth" has a physical as well as an emotional state...your poem is weaved around the emotional state and has that soft feel...if i may suggest, do you think it would be good to say "I would [love] it warm" as also "my vitals [reside] there?

i liked the texture, substance and flow of this poem....and it surely exudes warmth
.....................................................................................................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

tyro

Fri, 2018-06-01 15:15

thanks raj

thanks raj
"your poem is weaved around the emotional state"
Yes, that is what it is about, saying feeling is warmer than thought.

The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight

author comment

raj

Fri, 2018-06-01 15:23

good to know tyro that I read

good to know tyro that I read it right..and felt it too...
..................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

scribbler

Fri, 2018-06-01 18:18

Hi

Matters not how hot the fire one sits beside if there is no warmth in the heart.

gregwa8

Sat, 2018-06-02 01:25

really like the line/concept:

really like the line/concept: "cover my bosom, my vitals lodged there, my instinct and my heart," which is central to the poem, and the idea of covering your "trunk." i think the poem could benefit from fleshing out the tree metaphor a little bit more in it.

IRiz

Wed, 2018-06-06 23:51