Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

A Wistful Blue Moon!

Submitted by Leslie on Tue, 2024-09-17 05:13

A blue moon is out
the stars are shining.
The world is not
what I want it to be.

The vagabond stands
in streets that are shining.
As visions of hope
trespass transparently!

Following footsteps down
darkened alleyways.
Wishing that something
could offer reprieve.

Mindful I'm conjuring
themes of injustice
Trying to compose
something more to appease.

Then with a wish
I look to the heavens.
Asking of God
to assign their relief.

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Last few words:

This a theme that I enjoy writing about. The needy and homeless have always intrigued me.

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Tue, 2024-09-17 11:13

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem titled "A Wistful Blue Moon!" demonstrates a clear understanding of rhythm and rhyme, which are essential elements of poetry. The use of imagery, such as "a blue moon is out" and "the stars are shining," is effective in setting the scene and creating a sense of atmosphere.

However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent meter to improve the flow and readability. For instance, the second stanza has a different rhythm compared to the first and third stanzas. Consistency in meter can help to create a more harmonious reading experience.

The poem's theme appears to be about seeking relief or change in a world perceived as unjust. This is a powerful theme, but it could be explored more deeply. For example, the poem could provide more specific examples or imagery related to the "themes of injustice" mentioned in the third stanza. This would give the reader a clearer understanding of the speaker's perspective and emotional state.

The use of the phrase "Asking of God" in the last stanza suggests a religious or spiritual element to the poem. If this is an important aspect of the poem's theme, it could be introduced earlier in the poem to create a stronger narrative thread.

In conclusion, this poem demonstrates a good grasp of poetic techniques and a compelling theme. With some adjustments to the meter and a deeper exploration of its themes, it has the potential to be even more impactful.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Candlewitch

Tue, 2024-09-17 08:22