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re-creation
Sol's spirit skips across the blue -
a nascent multispectrumed hue
that sparkles in the morning dew.
Life made anew, life made anew.
His rays spread out, so manyfold,
across an easel dawn has rolled,
the new day's works to be there scrolled
in threads of gold, in threads of gold.
O'er mounts of green the morning breaks
to desert that no water slakes
and elsewhere there'll be soft snowflakes
the world awakes, the world awakes.
An animated mural warms
as all of life arouses, swarms,
and somewhere there'll be violent storms,
as art performs, as art performs.
I'd sit here at my breakfast table,
a new day born for my appraisal,
and say a maker is a fable...
were I but able, were I but able.
.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
jane210660
Wed, 2016-05-18 09:55
I love everything about this,
I love everything about this, the meter, the repetition of the last line and of course the poem itself.
I've been trying to write a few poems in rhyme, including a ballad, but they just feel forced and a bit trite.
This has such a natural flow, as though the rhyme were incidental.
Ah well, back to the drawing board for me........ :-)
Jx
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judyanne
Thu, 2016-05-19 00:04
thank you Jane
So glad you like this....
just for your info, if you're interested, this form is known as a monotetra
- written in iambic tetrameter, with the repetition in the last verse of each stanza...
I think you're being a bit harsh with yourself re rhyme - I don't find what you write as seeming forced . ..
Love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
jane210660
Thu, 2016-05-19 06:52
Haha, that's because I haven
Haha, that's because I haven't put the forced stuff on here.....
It's only happened recently, since I've been getting into the more technical aspects and bending my poetry to fit in with a certain style.
I started a ballad the other day............... ummmm, will go back to it later, because it's a gothic story I want to tell.
As we say in Yorkshire "It'll be reet"
Thanks for the info, I am interested. Jx
------------
Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
lovedly
Wed, 2016-05-18 12:18
too good judy
in neo its only
I read your poetry
Ooooo
What a novelty!
judyanne
Thu, 2016-05-19 00:05
hi loved
Thank you
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Keith Logan
Thu, 2016-05-19 02:05
This has
a warm and tranquil feel about it, the wording so natural that the rhyme never intrudes.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
judyanne
Thu, 2016-05-19 06:20
hi Keith
Thank you for the very kind comment
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)