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Arcadian Ground (military memories contest)
So many traded
The pastoral
For the petrifying
But they did not remain stone
Either when tilling
Their rocky fields at home
Or when facing
The stony fields of war
In distant countries
The cold rains falling
The ice of indifference:
Enemies
Or flying metal
Infantrymen
Or bombers
Of both sides
Who have their own
Fields and families
To go home to
Surrounded by flowers
On or in
The precious
Arcadian ground
We all are fighting for
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage:
Contest:
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Comments
Rula
Tue, 2018-05-22 02:30
Thanks for sharing
Greg. I thought maybe you'd like to reconsider the lineation / line- breaks of a one thought but of course you know better than I what and how you want to say it.
Thank you for sharing.
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Geezer
Tue, 2018-05-22 08:35
My thoughts on...
this work:
So many traded
The pastoral
For the petrifying
But they did not remain stone
Either tilling their rocky
Pastures of home
Or the stony fields of war
The ice of cold enemies
Or the indifference
Of flying metal
Infantrymen
And bombers
On both sides
Who have their own
Fields and families
To go home to
Surrounded by flowers
On or in
The precious
Arcadian ground
We are all fighting for
Just suggestions to help the flow, yet keep the flavor that you have imparted here.
Use anything you like. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
gregwa8
Tue, 2018-05-22 14:28
Thanks Geezer. I like your
Thanks Geezer. I like your changes!
Geezer
Wed, 2018-05-23 14:16
Like I said...
use any or all of them, they are yours! ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
lovedly
Mon, 2018-06-04 23:44
glad you
won May contest
You are a professional song writer
wish we had known
and
I would have withdrawn
ever being in Vietnam...
none the less
CONGRATS
gregwa8
Wed, 2018-06-06 05:58
thank you MarkL and lovedly!
thank you MarkL and lovedly!