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Submitted by Hon on Mon, 2024-07-08 21:24

A reflecting light of shadow
leading a ray of hope
showcase with lifting spirit
in the heart of express
with a sense of gratitude
a role model figure
portray a strong
image display
never fail to protect
your children
from thick through thin
with a guidance
of evidence bring
a nurturing of love
exude the joy of life
that lightens up a smile
serving with the wisdom
of unwavering support
carry a sense of strength
and instilled in me the person
that I am today
Yet I still feel humble
By your encouragement
and words of advice
to help me through the difficult time
when life has defeated me
You raise me high
up to the sky
showing me that
the opportunity is unlimited
Here is a thank you note
from the bottom of
my sincerest heart
I owe my world to you
here is a salute to
my dearest one
for the hero that
bring inspirational to
filled me with pride
that I am proud to
call you my father

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Contest:

Conversation With ...

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

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Comments

neopoet

Tue, 2024-07-09 03:30

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem effectively uses a variety of poetic devices to convey a heartfelt message. However, there are areas where the clarity and impact could be improved.

1. Syntax and Grammar: There are several instances where the syntax and grammar could be improved for better readability. For example, "from thick through thin" could be rephrased to the more commonly used phrase "through thick and thin". Similarly, "a role model figure / portray a strong / image display" could be clarified.

2. Consistent Tense: The poem switches between present and past tense, which can be confusing for the reader. Consistent use of one tense could enhance the narrative flow.

3. Punctuation: The poem lacks punctuation, which can make it difficult for the reader to follow the intended pauses and breaks. Consider adding punctuation to guide the reader through the poem.

4. Show, Don't Tell: The poem tells the reader about the speaker's feelings and experiences, but could benefit from more vivid and concrete imagery to show these emotions. For instance, instead of saying "never fail to protect / your children", the poem could show a specific instance of protection.

5. Line Breaks: The poem could benefit from more intentional use of line breaks to emphasize certain ideas or feelings. For example, "Yet I still feel humble / By your encouragement" could be restructured to place "Yet I still feel humble" on its own line for emphasis.

6. Word Choice: The poem uses a lot of abstract language (e.g., "a sense of gratitude", "a sense of strength"). Consider using more concrete and specific language to convey these abstract ideas.

7. Theme Development: The poem's theme of gratitude and admiration for a father figure is clear, but could be developed further. Consider exploring specific qualities or actions of this figure that inspire these feelings.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Tue, 2024-07-09 12:00