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Time to give up?

Submitted by The Eccentric poet on Wed, 2024-09-04 19:28

Haunting the streets
as I add up my worth,
I've always been replaceable,
even from birth.

Misses all the chances,
crying in a paper cup,
Withdrew from their advances,
time to give up?

Sick in my solitude,
I let days & weeks creep by.
No senseless gratitude,
"we only live if we try"

My mind, constant chaos,
quietened by Demon drink.
Drowning pedantic thoughts,
that I just don't want to think.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Last few words: 
Still a work in progress, still hurting about my daughter, with pain comes creativity I guess, it floods out of me when my heart is broken xx
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

captain 2

Thu, 2024-09-05 02:54

This poem is sounds like my own mind, at least sometimes. Definitely trying to add up my worth. Definitely quieted by demon drink. The line that i find most interesting is " no senseless gratitude"....I've felt that way before, but is it really senseless? I think that is the crux of the entire question of being - should we be grateful, or not. It's so hard sometimes. For me, senseless little gratitude's are all I've had to keep me going - sometimes.

You mentioned your hurting about your daughter. The circumstances of that are none of my business, but I know how disruptions to that precious relationship can shake the foundations of your world. I hope you don't give up!

I loved this poems content and it's execution. I'm not a good enough poet to offer construction criticism. I wouldn't change anything.

best,
capain

Candlewitch

Thu, 2024-09-05 04:55

Candlewitch's picture
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the lines that really resonate with me are:

Haunting the streets
as I add up my worth,
I've always been replaceable,
even from birth.

these lines are a poem by themselves! wow!
*hugs, Cat

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The Eccentric poet

Thu, 2024-09-05 12:17

The Eccentric poet's picture

Thankyou so much xx

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