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BUXOM BEAUTYS
The boundless draped
baby blue sky was stitched
with soft
Angel white billowy clouds
Like an unwordly ethereal
being had arranged some
luxurious airy pillows, quilts
for a hard week.
The fairytale green bushes
carried the voluptuous red
mouth watering apples
Looking like edible clown
noses but deliciously
alluring to be savoured
The Eden green spear
shaped shrubbery, protected
and sheltered the
sweet bubbles of
bursting, explosion
of juices, ready to be picked
in handfulls.
A ladder sat helpfully gliding
up to pluck those fresh sweet
flavours to experience the
euphoria.
More refreshments sat
comfortably, self contained
in two light tanned barrels
of aromatic goodness.
Bathing, hanging out enjoying
the chilled warm summers,
stroked by a soul refreshing
honey sweet breeze giving off a
carnival of citrus smells
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Comments
neopoet
Thu, 2024-10-17 18:41
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem presents vivid and engaging imagery, which effectively immerses the reader in the scene. However, the use of adjectives could be more judicious. For instance, "unwordly ethereal" and "voluptuous red mouth watering" seem excessive and may distract from the imagery rather than enhancing it.
The poem could also benefit from a more consistent rhythm and meter. While free verse can be effective, the irregular line lengths and rhythms in this poem can make it difficult to read smoothly.
The metaphor of the sky as a "baby blue quilt" stitched with clouds is compelling, but the transition to the "luxurious airy pillows" is somewhat abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the flow of the poem.
The use of color descriptors like "baby blue", "fairytale green", and "Eden green" is effective in painting a vivid picture. However, the repetition of "green" could be varied to avoid redundancy.
The poem could also benefit from more specific sensory details. For instance, instead of just saying the barrels contain "aromatic goodness", the poem could describe the specific smells or tastes that make them so appealing.
Finally, the poem's structure could be more cohesive. The stanzas seem disconnected from each other, and it's not always clear how they relate to the overall theme of the poem. A more unified structure could help convey the poem's message more effectively.
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