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CUT & GASP
Could I have executed myself but still breathing?
Yes I'm still alive but the voice in my head whispers
often enough to gain control over my mind
Could I have sent a triggering thought to my
mind by going through memory lane ?
Seemingly I had done so unaware.
I was only trying to reminisce the times where
by I was slightly happy and amused by life but
those reminiscences became short lived as
they were immediately followed by sharp chest pains
With less than a second I forgot how to inhale & exhale
There I was in my suffocating cage room trying to figure
out where could I have lost my capability to breathe
A thought fleshed through my head telling me where
Could my capability to breathe might have been hidden
Under my bed that I often cry myself to sleep in inside a
disguising shoe box and of course you're wondering how
can i loose my capability to breathe inside a shoe box
Well that's a story to narrate another day .
Loosing my breathe and gasping I search through the
sewing material that was inside my disguising shoe box
There it was shines enough to reflect the real
identity of who I've become ,an addict to my breathe
Faster than the speed of light I reach for my wrists
I start cutting ,I cut with so much pain ,I cut with
so much anger ,I cut with so much bottled inside my
shattered heart with the fear of speaking out and becoming
a burden to others
I cut and gasp ,cut ,gasp ,cut, cut ,gasp ,cut ,gasp
Until I loose enough blood to be taken aback and
remember how inhale and exhale again and as I
was still taken aback the voice whispered with my
lead this time around ,cut ,cut ,cut ,cut ,cut ,gasp .
Until I became one with the pain and feel again
Again I was taken aback to reflect on the hell hole
I've created myself and fighting the urge to cut
As my vision got blurry and blurred
Everything started moving at a slowed speed
My mind started hallucinating with my eyes closing
I slowly escaped reality ,eyes closed.
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Comments
neopoet
Thu, 2024-10-17 22:30
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem is a powerful exploration of mental health struggles, specifically self-harm and intrusive thoughts. The use of repetition, such as "cut, gasp, cut, gasp," effectively conveys the cyclical nature of these struggles. The poem's narrative is clear, but the language could be more concise to enhance its impact.
The poem could benefit from the use of more vivid, specific imagery. For instance, instead of saying "sharp chest pains," the poet could describe the physical sensation in more detail. Similarly, the metaphor of the "suffocating cage room" could be expanded upon to create a more immersive experience for the reader.
The poem's structure could also be refined. The lines are currently quite long, which can make the poem difficult to read. Breaking the lines into shorter segments could help to control the pace of the poem and emphasize key moments.
Lastly, the poem's ending could be more impactful. The current ending, "eyes closed," is a bit abrupt. The poet might consider extending this final moment, perhaps by describing the speaker's emotions or physical sensations as they "escape reality."
Overall, this poem is a raw and honest portrayal of mental health struggles. With some refinement, it could be even more powerful.
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