Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Viking with a car seat, in a broke down Ford F250
All is quiet on this western
Front -- because my bank account is dry
Otherwise, I’d face east
I’d cheat, I’d steal, I’d lie
To make you happy, my perfect little beast
To make you safe
At least
You really are mine,
Finally.
And now I know exactly why
People take up arms and die
Of course,
All they want is peace
So much, it’s worth killing for.
And, oh, how the burden is to know
The enemy is sailing
Across the open shore
Pilling up more and more
While my wasted bones are so sore
Surrender is all I have left
And to pray that the enemy
Is as sweet as
The honey
I didn’t save for you, my lovely little beast
I regret that I let, my guns rust
In this sleepy still water
And all the old spears we snapped and burned
To keep you warm. And more --
The cellars are empty
We have eaten all our ancestors stored.
So much peace
Drained us helpless to war
So, I’ll hold on to you so tight
Next time, I promise
In Valhalla at least
High in the soft light
With your Mom and your dreams
Behind 100’ walls
My brave little beast.
Style / type:
Free verse
Last few words:
This sort of Rymes. I'm working on it. war vs peace starts in each individual, dealing with their own problems, and scales up. The battle is there, and you can't get complacent.
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2024-08-23 05:30
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
It is not feasible to offer feedback.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Kristen H.
Fri, 2024-08-23 04:20
Wow!
What a great read!! Well done!! I see, you say you're working on it. I look forward to future revisions!
captain 2
Fri, 2024-08-23 18:01
HI
Thank you, Kristen.
author commentCandlewitch
Fri, 2024-08-23 08:05
Hello captian 2,
Free verse does not have to rhyme or have meter, that is why it is called free verse. But, it can have rhyme and rhythm if you choose to. there is bit of story telling in your poems, which I admire and enjoy. thanks for posting this!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
captain 2
Fri, 2024-08-23 17:59
THANKS
the contest about war vs peace got me thinking about this one...and I think it said that it was supposed to rhyme. I tend to write free verse naturally, but I sure would like to learn how to write with more rhyme and meter, so I'll be working on that in the future. Thanks again for your nice comments.
author commentGeezer
Sat, 2024-08-24 11:39
I think...
you've got a good poem here, I'm just not sure of who it it is about.
I tend to think that it is about a girlfriend or mate. You should make it clearer.
Writing in rhyme is easy for some, not so much for others. I tend to think in rhyme when I write,
so it is easy for me. I will try to help out whenever you write in rhyme. A good vocabulary is essential,
so, use an on-line dictionary or a college/word-challenge dictionary. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
captain 2
Sat, 2024-08-24 23:00
HI
The perfect little beast is my girlfriend's daughter. who I love more than i knew was possible. I got to have her car seat in my truck for a while and I felt so proud about that. But...my truck broke down and I remember sitting there, with that empty car seat, waiting for help, realizing I had let my life slip by....I didn't do anything to shore up myself and make myself someone who could defend her from this difficult world.
Thanks so much for reading!
author commentGeezer
Mon, 2024-08-26 09:22
Another case...
of I could've, would've, should've. We never know the twists and turns that our lives will take. We can only try to prepare for life. I would offer one little piece of advice; do not become a helicopter grandparent! You will do her a great disservice. Kids need to learn the skills of life by experience, we must not hinder that process by eliminating those experiences, that may teach them. Now that I know the behind-the-scenes poem, I can appreciate it. Thank you for the explanation. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
captain 2
Tue, 2024-08-27 00:45
Thanks!
Yes, I am a big believer in "free-range" parenting. Recently we have let her start walking to her friends houses, alone - several blocks down busy streets. It's so hard but, there is really no choice. The poem is mostly about my own guilt for not building more stability for her. Appreciate your commenting!
author commentGeezer
Tue, 2024-08-27 09:28
Not knowing...
her age and the surroundings, it is difficult to judge a thing like that. I will assume that you have thought this over and over and over again. As parents and grandparents, we have to make many difficult decisions about our children. Stability? In what way? I think that you are a very caring grandparent, who will always be there for your grandchildren. You can only do so much. Nice job, and thanks for the good explanation. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
captain 2
Wed, 2024-08-28 23:53
Dear Geezer
She is actually by girlfriend's daughter -- which is an irrelevant point, but I didn't want to leave that hang out there in case she comes up in another poem. The kid has become a bit of my muse for me! Changed my entire perspective on the world and my purpose in it. As far as stability..... I mean, I kind of gave up on life a while back, just threw in the towel, forgot about the Viking inside that still had a good fight to fight. Some of that due to the lack of challenge and our societies base line luxery of needs being filled just by virtue of being alive in this age. Then, someone shows up to make me see the value I have and I regret so much I can't do more for her, because I let my guard down and let my "cellars" empty and my guns rust. I guess....it is impossible to get any of that out of my poem, but I just said it in the way I felt it.
thanks again for reading my poem!
You commented on my writtings a few years ago when I was just "Captain". not captain 2. Thanks again!
author commentcaptain 2
Tue, 2024-08-27 00:45
Thanks!
Yes, I am a big believer in "free-range" parenting. Recently we have let her start walking to her friends houses, alone - several blocks down busy streets. It's so hard but, there is really no choice. The poem is mostly about my own guilt for not building more stability for her. Appreciate your commenting!
author commentLavender
Sat, 2024-08-24 22:05
Viking With a Car Seat...
Hello, Captain,
Much to enjoy here, in a put-the-puzzle-together way! First, Viking as a verb! I looked it up, and Vikings truly can go viking! Very cool. Second, I gotta know more about the car seat reference and the "Little Beast." Even though there is a Ford F250 involved, it seems the poem is based around a lot of Norse mythology - or maybe not? The language and words used are intriguing and full of imagery. Definitely a strong sense of war versus peace throughout, but I want the full appreciation for this. I'll return after your response.
Thank you!
L
captain 2
Sat, 2024-08-24 23:03
Hi!
Yes, Norse mythology. I think there is Vikings inside us...all of us, after generations. And we have let that fall asleep (for the good, mostly), but we need that instinct a little bit still. I let that part of me go asleep, until my girlfriend gave me an extra car seat for her daughter. and then, all the sudden, I knew why people fight.
author commentLavender
Sat, 2024-08-24 23:14
Hello, Captain,
Very tender...
Thanks for the explanation. Now I appreciate it completely.
L
Leslie
Thu, 2024-08-29 01:53
captain2
There is a little viking in us all. Society tends to beat it out of us but we don't give up. The apperance of this little girl in your life
has changed your perspective . There definitely are things worth kicking ass for, good job. Let her learn by experience, just try not to protect her to much although I know it's hard. I think it is OK to walk her to and from a freinds house. That is just my opinion but I have 7 grandchildren. Great poem!
All of God's children singing, holding hands in the rain!