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Divorce; A Childs View

It has come to our house...
everything is different.
So many changes in a short time,
first, mommy and daddy yell!
The fighting is loud and heated.
Bad words and name-calling!
After, they don't speak to the other.
Going about in tight-lipped silence.
cold destroys the heat...
it is nice outside, but winter
in our war-zone apartment.
Daddy has moved out, now.
Mommy is dating someone
nervous, but friendly.
Daddy comes to take me away
every second Sunday of the month.
I met his new girlfriend,
she is a "younger woman" says mom,
Cookie is her "nickname."
Mom doesn't like her because
"they both snipe at each other" says Dad.
Mom said he met "Her" in a barroom,
from the way mom says it, I guess it is Bad.
However, she is nice to me and I would like to "like" her.
Daddy told me it is okay if I like "Uncle B."
mom's boyfriend who sometimes brings me gifts.
Uncle B. brought me a teddy bear
who sits on the pillow on my bed..
(but I do not like him, he feels wrong!)
I still remember how it was, once upon a time
when "they" tucked me in, and my dreams were happy.

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Last few words: 
note: Sam's notepad
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Divorce; A Child's View" effectively captures the emotional turmoil and confusion experienced by a child amidst the separation of their parents. The use of simple language and straightforward narration is in line with the perspective of a child, which aids in conveying the innocence and vulnerability of the speaker.

However, the poem could benefit from more show, less tell. For instance, instead of directly stating "the fighting is loud and heated," the poem could describe specific actions or dialogues that imply this conflict. This would allow the readers to infer the intensity of the situation, making the experience more immersive and impactful.

The poem also has potential to delve deeper into the child's emotional journey. While it does touch upon the child's confusion and longing for the past, it could further explore the complex emotions a child might feel in this situation—such as fear, guilt, anger, or even relief. This would add depth to the poem and make the child's perspective more nuanced.

In terms of structure, the poem might benefit from more consistent use of punctuation and line breaks. The inconsistent use of quotation marks and parentheses can be distracting and may disrupt the flow of the poem. The poem could also experiment with more varied line lengths to create rhythm and emphasize certain moments or emotions.

Lastly, the poem might consider using more metaphorical language or imagery. While the straightforward narration suits the child's perspective, the inclusion of more poetic elements could enrich the poem's emotional landscape and make it more engaging to read. For instance, the metaphor of the "war-zone apartment" is a powerful image that could be further developed or echoed throughout the poem.

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I imagine this is personal, if so I am so sorry. You hit the nail right on the head.Just wish that divorce did not exist and people could balance out there differences. The poem was filled with sadness. I can only imagine what my kids went through. Great illustration of divorce. I hope you're feeling well!

All of God's children singing, holding hands in the rain!

It is. But so very long ago. The daughter of a friend of mine is contemplating a divorce. They have two children. I wrote this with her in mind, too. thank you for reading and responding, my friend.

*hugs, Cat

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author comment

THAT POEM IS SO SAD!!!

All of God's children singing, holding hands in the rain!

yes it is a very sad story...the only prisoners taken are the children! I was once one of them...

many hugs, Cat

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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Hi, Cat,
I do like your revisions. Great use of language and tone - it reads as if directly from a child. I hope it was not too harsh for you to write, since it is your personal experience, but it does convey all the confusion and sadness divorce can cause. "...winter in our war-torn apartment." How descriptive, and such a sorrowful memory. (I must ask about "Sam's notepad.")
Thank you, Cat!
Lx

Thank you for reading and responding to my poem. I have written you a p.m.

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Dang Cat, get out of my head! Thank you for sharing this. Having come from a broken home as a child myself, this one resonated with me quite a bit. One major difference in my experience is that our parents were very good at hiding their disagreements from us. Our father just pretty much dissappeared from our lives, and has been present-absent ever since. This early trauma played a part in who all of their children became (myself included, of course), with echoes still being heard.

Well done!

Best

Michael Anthony

I am sorry for that this rang true for you. It is my hope that at the end of your tale, you were not coerced into choosing a side.Norma my mother insisted it of us, her three daughters. I took my Dad's side because he never would have made us choose... I can sympathize and relate to the trauma you went through. and how the waves roll on... thank you for reading and responding. I very much appreciate you sharing with me, thank you!

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment
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