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HELL'GATES

Submitted by Words Ablaze on Mon, 2024-07-08 07:19

Say Love be the very Devil,
Set against God the holy-father
Count me then one more heaven's rebel
A choice, there wouldn’t be any other
So I'll ride sin to those hot gates,
That black steed the lord wholly hates.

Just to have love in my reach
Find her doors, knock and then screech,
Of all my sins and all their names.
"Tell Love the Devil, ye gate keeper, tell her,
Save me a dance among the flames!"

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Mon, 2024-07-08 13:20

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "HELL'GATES" explores the complex interplay between love, rebellion, and divine elements. The use of contrasting imagery such as "Love be the very Devil" and "God the holy-father" creates a powerful juxtaposition that sets the tone for the rest of the poem. The idea of choosing to be a rebel in heaven for the sake of love is intriguing and adds depth to the narrative.

The imagery of riding sin to the gates of hell on a black steed is vivid and evocative, effectively conveying a sense of defiance and determination. The repetition of the word "love" throughout the poem reinforces its central theme and adds a sense of urgency to the speaker's quest.

However, there are a few areas where the poem could be strengthened. The rhyme scheme is inconsistent, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. Consider revisiting the structure to create a more cohesive and harmonious rhythm. Additionally, some of the language and phrasing could be further refined to

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Tue, 2024-07-09 12:26

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A wild ride by a true rebel. I felt the scorn all the way through and including that strong final line.
Thank you,
L

Words Ablaze

Wed, 2024-07-10 18:38

Words Ablaze's picture

thanks a lot ...i enjoy the emotion jarring lines, ones that the reader will really hate or really love, just tip toeing at the extremes. Its fun being a bad boy for once, going against the grain. My pleasure and i'm glad you liked it

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