Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Mom's Instructions

Listen carefully
Clean your room and wash your hands
Now Say your prayers

Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Mom's Instructions" is a concise piece that encapsulates the voice of a mother instructing her child. It is a haiku, a form of Japanese poetry, consisting of three lines with a 5-7-5 syllable count. The poem successfully adheres to this structure, which adds a sense of rhythm and balance.

The poem's content is straightforward and relatable, reflecting common instructions that a mother might give to a child. The use of imperatives ("Listen carefully", "Clean your room", "wash your hands", "Say your prayers") effectively conveys the mother's voice and authority.

However, the poem could benefit from more vivid or unique imagery to make it more engaging and memorable. For instance, instead of "Clean your room", the poet could use a more specific and visual instruction related to room cleaning. Similarly, "Say your prayers" could be replaced with a unique or personal detail about the child's prayer routine.

Additionally, the poem could explore the emotional or thematic implications of these instructions more deeply. For example, what does the act of cleaning one's room or saying prayers mean to the child? How does it reflect the relationship between the mother and the child, or the child's process of growing up? Delving into these questions could add depth and complexity to the poem.

In terms of language, the poem is clear and accessible, but it could benefit from more varied or interesting word choices. For instance, instead of "Listen carefully", the poet could use a more unusual or evocative phrase to convey the idea of attentive listening.

Lastly, the poem's title, "Mom's Instructions", is functional but perhaps a bit too direct. A more subtle or intriguing title could invite the reader to think more deeply about the poem's themes and content.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

very nice, but may I suggest that you avoid using (And) as it is a filler word and unnecessary. maybe use (Then) or (Now say your prayers.) these are just suggestions, to be used or ignored. btw...I like the poem!

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Thank you
Now is better, thanks,,

author comment

You are most welcome!

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I think that is covered in Chapter 2 of the Mom's Handbook. ;) I seem to remember something about washing behind my ears, as well.

Thanx,
Steve

Thank tou. I am sure Mom told us a lot of such things to keep us on the right road!

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.