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Broken Air Conditioning ( in Summer's Sweltering heat) Updated
Swimming in sweat, the heat was brutal
from day's pinnacle to sundown, no change,
if anything, it felt it had become hotter
in muggy, dead air, we felt rather deranged.
Could this heatwave be broken? so overpowering,
yes, oppressive, no cool air to break it's spell.
We opened every window in hopes to catch a breeze
we felt like meat cooking upon an outdoor grill.
Air conditioner was hopelessly broken
we called for repair on Friday, but...
no direct answer, we gave our number to a machine,
on repair call back, we went a little nuts.
No help available 'til Monday late in the day
we were on the end of his list, until then cold showers.
We tried sleeping, but could not get the job done,
by Sunday morning we were counting the slowly passing hours
Many showers in the night to cool us, each taking a turn
Just before daybreak, we felt the stirrings of a breeze,
after a very long night of tossing, turning and icing down
ice cubes we'd used, gone, but more were in the box to freeze!
Deciding on a revamp of Central Air, was our ticket out
of the terrible sweltering summer of our early days.
When you are deep in it and there is no other way through
sometimes you just have to wait it out, as that's how it plays!
*
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Structured: Western
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neopoet
Mon, 2024-08-05 23:50
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Broken Air Conditioning (in Summer heat)" effectively employs vivid imagery and detailed descriptions to encapsulate the discomfort and frustration of enduring a heatwave without functioning air conditioning. The use of phrases such as "swimming in sweat" and "meat cooking upon the outdoor grill" paints a clear picture of the oppressive heat and the desperation of the situation.
However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme. The current structure is somewhat irregular, which can disrupt the flow of the poem and make it less engaging for the reader. For example, the third and fourth lines of the first stanza rhyme ("hotter" and "deranged"), but the same pattern is not followed in the subsequent stanzas.
The narrative progression of the poem is clear and understandable, but the conclusion could be more impactful. The final stanza seems to suggest a resolution to the problem (the decision to revamp Central Air), but it lacks a strong emotional payoff. The last line, "sometimes you just have to wait it out, as that's how it plays!" feels somewhat resigned and anticlimactic. A more dramatic or poignant ending could leave a stronger impression on the reader.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more varied vocabulary. The word "heat" and its derivatives are used frequently throughout the poem, which can make the language feel repetitive. Experimenting with different words and phrases to describe the heat could add depth and richness to the poem's language.
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Rula
Fri, 2024-08-09 17:18
Hello dear Cat
I like this narrative poem. You make it sound real and I really sympathize with you.
I dislike summer and getting the A/C broken is the last thing anyone would wish.
You make it look so real and I really enjoyed reading it.
Thank you for sharing.
Best wishes!
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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Candlewitch
Fri, 2024-08-09 17:46
Dear Rula,
This really happened to Steven and I. What I did not include in the poem were the kitties we had. they made it seem worse. I really did not like their suffering. their tongues hung down in panting. Thank you for reading and commenting.
*hugs, Cat
*
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author commentUnca Fez
Sat, 2024-08-10 21:27
I'd Forgotten...
I'd forgotten about this incident. What came to mind for me was that July in Texas where the air conditioner died on Friday and it would be close to a week to get it fixed. Temperatures were above 100 and we sweltered. The only thing that saved us from complete insanity was the swimming pool, even though it was like bath water.
Thanx,
Steve
Candlewitch
Sun, 2024-08-11 07:07
Dear Steven,
I had almost forgotten that period in Texas...the swimming pool was a god-send. To this day... I can tolerate cold better than extreme heat. Do you remember our scaly visitor we found in the pool? You should as you were the one who had to save him from drowning as he clung to the netting! The wild lizard served to remind me that civilization was only an illusion! You were lucky you had the extended net to fish him out with! Good grief he was an ugly brute. I bet he thought we were ugly, too!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
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