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Building The State

Building the State

I’ve done my part in building the state
Before I say a leave-taking
Even nobody ventures to say a word
I have known;
That I'm not a venture-someness
I gave people a venture capital to break their yokes.
This a short speech full of throw away lines
A chance to thumb my nose at the citizens
When I had to strain to reach the peak
And I have never been joking since all my life;
Read me even my handwriting straggled over the pages.

I thought I was snookered when they rejected my plans
That time I aimed at my intentions
By an authority as my straight- shooter
I made snow-job my tricks I called change
While they sniffled like pig after I snuggled into my office.
I snogged them in the straight-face
While I made snide remarks
And turned them into laws,
I’ve a sneaking attitude,
And I shouldn’t have paid them a dime like my colleagues
Who gloated over their ill-gotten money they snitched on juries
Unknowing that they too are ours.

I’ve done my part in building the state;
I renewed the schools and fed them twice daily
I bought school uniforms and materials.
I tried my best if nobody says well-done.

I constructed every good road
In your haste of speed, it’ll say; stop!
Don’t kill yourself.
The most reliable road,
Hmm… haven’t I done my part in building the state?
You’ve…
You did a nuclear holocaust in the state.
How dare you speak to government like that?
Driver, stop!
Arrest him!
It’s part of building the state.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
My conversation with a governor who proudly praised himself for serving the state.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

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While the syntax in this piece suffers greatly, I do believe that I have managed to decipher the proper meaning of it.
I do believe that you are saying that you have, [or someone has] tried to do what they think is a good deed and
the intentions have been misconstrued. Sometimes, it happens that people actually use our good intent
to make it seem as though we have deliberately made trouble. Take your time and try to make this a bit clearer.
~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Thanks so much for calling my attention to my weakness.
I'm excited to have someone to correct me.

More wisdom!

"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."

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