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I Lost The Instructions to being a woman
I Lost The Instructions
to being a woman
You beat "Her" out of me
leaving my soul tattered.
In the beginning you were kind
warm and jovial, it mattered.
Gradually you began to change
taking me away from all I knew,
from Minnesota to the east coast
an easy ride we drove straight through.
I discovered your evil temper
on our trip, it left me in fear,
knocking me down, kicking me
you bellowed, shouting, making it clear.
You were the boss, and me your slave
seeing the cruel glint in your eye
was an omen of what was soon to come
you would test me in ways to make me cry...
Each new day was a promise of terror
you invented head-games to play.
In fear, I trembled trying to hide
tried not to anticipate the rue of the day.
Nights were bad too, I cowered under covers
You brutalized me sexually to hear me scream
threatening to blow my head off my shoulders
losing connection with my idea of a woman's dream!
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
contest: I Lost The Instructions
"Dutch" (Ralph H.)
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Region & Country
Northwestern Wisconsin USA
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Comments
neopoet
Sun, 2024-08-04 23:10
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem effectively communicates a narrative of abuse and fear, using clear and evocative language. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved.
Firstly, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm or meter. The lines vary in length, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. Experimenting with syllable count or stress patterns might help to create a more rhythmic reading experience.
Secondly, the poem could use more imagery and metaphor. While the narrative is clear, the language is quite literal and straightforward. Using more figurative language could help to evoke the emotions of the poem more vividly.
Lastly, the title and opening line suggest that the poem will explore the concept of womanhood, but this theme isn't fully developed. The poem could delve deeper into the speaker's struggle with their identity as a woman, perhaps by exploring how the abuse they suffer distorts their understanding of what it means to be a woman.
In conclusion, while the poem effectively communicates a powerful narrative, it could be improved by refining the rhythm, incorporating more figurative language, and developing the theme of womanhood more fully.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
Mon, 2024-08-05 11:58
Hello, Cat,
I hope this piece contains a lot of poetic liberty and is not an experience of your own, although your last few words hint that it is personal on some level. If it is, I'm so glad you have your poetry to help shed the hurt and anger, and heal going forward.
Lx
Candlewitch
Mon, 2024-08-05 13:30
Dearest Lavender,
The events written here were toned down a great deal. I spent a year with that man unwillingly. I was 21 and his captive. think Biker Mentality ... He was in the Minnesota Chapter of the "Outlaws" Motorcycle Club (the oldest Motorcycle club in the world!) I think I must have been an "a-hole magnet" on a happier note, he was shot in the head and killed while he was doing a house burglary! I hate to say it but...I smiled when I heard that, the first in a long time, and I rejoiced! then I started sobbing uncontrollably ... freedom
*hugs, Cat
*
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author commentLavender
Mon, 2024-08-05 13:54
Hello, Cat,
So sorry that you experienced this. So glad you made it away safely and could write about it.
Lx
Candlewitch
Mon, 2024-08-05 13:58
I found out...
much later, that my exhusband (21 y. o.) sold me to him! thank you for reading and commenting.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentClentin
Fri, 2024-08-30 04:12
Wow! Your poem really
Wow! Your poem really expresses a violent and terrible relationship. His instructions far exceeded
What was natural.
Sad poem, but very good
Oem!
Candlewitch
Fri, 2024-08-30 05:56
Thank you,
Dearest Clentin,
It was a terrible and terrifying experience. One of those things that you never quite forget. ever! After it was over, I had to relearn how to exist. I am now married to Steven, known to Neo poets as unca fez. He is everything I ever dreamed of as a husband and friend.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentClentin
Sat, 2024-08-31 06:32
I have re-read your poem a
I have re-read your poem a dozen of times. I find it exceptional! A unique take on lost instructions!
Candlewitch
Sat, 2024-08-31 06:42
Dear Clentin,
thank you for reading again. I really do appreciate the kindness of your comments I think you are a very good and worthwhile person and exceptional poet.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentUnca Fez
Mon, 2024-09-02 07:16
Congratulations!
Congratulations on your winning the contest. Your poem gives a hint of why a battered woman stays. Good job!
Thanx,
Steve
Candlewitch
Mon, 2024-09-02 07:28
Thank You,
Steven,
yes I was too broken to leave. He had a tight grip on me. An invisible leash of intense fear, being told that 'He" will hunter me down and kill me. The broken jaw also kept me in line, thanks for the good wishes.
*love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentLavender
Tue, 2024-09-03 21:22
Congratulations, Cat!
Well done!
Lx
Candlewitch
Wed, 2024-09-04 04:33
Thank You...
gracious lavender! for the good cheer!
*love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentPunkyfrewster
Sat, 2024-09-07 10:27
Congratulations, Cat!
Wonderful job!
Candlewitch
Sat, 2024-09-07 11:04
Hello Punky,
Thank you!
;) Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
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