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The Phoenix

Submitted by Shelby Pryor on Mon, 2024-10-21 13:48

You can knock me down
Twist your knife in my back
You can have all the power
But it's conviction you lack

You can broadcast my crimes
Exploit my every weakness
I have no doubt you'll try
There's no point you'll miss

As I wind up on my knees
For the hundred millionth time
You'll think you've won, but
Life just isn't that sublime

You can't break my heart
I've already slammed that door
Your bullet to the heart
Won't damage my armor

Because I keep getting up
Brushing the ashes to the dirt
Gold gleaming in my eyes
My mind is a stronghold fort

Fire burning all around me
It only makes me stronger
Every punch you throw
Only makes me hold on longer

You can look down on me
Like I'm something to fix
So go ahead and light me up
'Cause you can't burn the Phoenix

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Contest: 
Neopoet Weekly 10/19/24 to 10/26/24
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Mon, 2024-10-21 19:50

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "The Phoenix" conveys a strong message of resilience and inner strength in the face of adversity. The imagery of rising from the ashes and being unbreakable like a phoenix is powerful and effectively conveys the theme of overcoming challenges.

One suggestion for improvement would be to consider varying the rhyme scheme and meter throughout the poem to add more dynamism and flow. This can help keep the reader engaged and enhance the overall impact of the poem. Additionally, paying attention to the consistency of imagery and metaphor usage can further strengthen the cohesion of the piece.

Overall, the poem effectively captures the spirit of resilience and determination, and with some adjustments to the structure and coherence, it has the potential to resonate even more with the reader.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

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