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Soul's Safe Space

Submitted by Apostolos "Paul... on Fri, 2024-08-16 17:11

Welcome,
We have been
Waiting for you
We are glad
That you
Arrived

You can give
The bell boy
All your worries
He will discard
Them quickly

The room has
Been paid for
With unlimited
Room and board

The chef has been
Instructed to
Cook all that
You desire

we have
Secured the
Premises
So, troubles
Don’t trespass

We know you feel
Uneasy and afraid
We informed
Your thoughts
you wont
Have service
For the
foreseeable
Future

You are in room 144
The Believer’s suite
Your wifi password is
Fed by faith

There is one
Favor requested
To try to take it
Easy on yourself

Enjoy your stay
And this room has
been paid by
the beauty
of your soul

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Fri, 2024-08-16 23:11

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Soul's Safe Space" is a metaphorical exploration of the inner self, presenting it as a safe and comforting space. The use of hospitality language and imagery is a creative approach to convey the idea of self-care and introspection.

However, there are areas where the poem could be improved. The poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm or meter to enhance its musicality. The current free verse form, while offering flexibility, can sometimes make the poem feel disjointed or uneven.

The language used is straightforward and accessible, which can be a strength, but it also limits the depth and complexity of the poem. The use of more vivid, concrete imagery and metaphor could help to deepen the reader's engagement and emotional response.

The stanza "We know you feel / Uneasy and afraid / We informed / Your thoughts / you wont / Have service / For the foreseeable / Future" is somewhat unclear. The phrase "We informed / Your thoughts" is ambiguous. It might be more effective to clarify who or what is doing the informing and what exactly is being informed.

The poem's ending could also be strengthened. The final line "been paid by / the beauty / of your soul" is a touching sentiment, but it feels a bit abrupt and disconnected from the preceding stanzas. It might be more impactful to build up to this revelation more gradually, or to tie it in more closely with the preceding imagery and themes.

Overall, the poem has a strong central concept and a comforting, reassuring tone. With some refinement to its rhythm, language, and structure, it could be even more effective.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Fri, 2024-08-16 23:26

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The writer has exhibited some extreme faith; that all self-doubt
[thoughts], have been discounted and discontinued.
By way of the entity speaking. The writer, has embraced an ideology
that postulates good deeds and service to your fellow man,
deserves recognition and reward in paradise after death.
That's where faith comes in... Nicely done sir, I could see the faith just dripping here.
~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Apostolos "Paul...

Sat, 2024-08-17 13:36

Apostolos "Paul" Anagnostopoulos's picture
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For stopping by

author comment

Geezer

Mon, 2024-08-19 09:25

Geezer's picture
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That you
[have] arrived

[Will not] trespass

We [have]

[They] won't

[Do] try to take it

Easy on yourself

This room has - delete the [and]

~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Candlewitch

Sat, 2024-08-17 06:26

Candlewitch's picture
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I agree with Geezer's thoughts and not at all with AI's. I have argued with AI for a few months. Telling it that there is no meter or even rhyme required for FREE VERSE. that is why it is called Free Verse, lol!

My favorite lines are:

we have
Secured the
Premises
So, troubles
Don’t trespass

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Apostolos "Paul...

Sat, 2024-08-17 13:37

Apostolos "Paul" Anagnostopoulos's picture
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For your words

author comment

Leslie

Sat, 2024-08-17 17:30

Leslie's picture

This, of all your poems is my favorite, a masterpiece! Great job!

All of God's children singing, holding hands in the rain!

Apostolos "Paul...

Sun, 2024-08-18 02:28

Apostolos "Paul" Anagnostopoulos's picture
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For your words

author comment
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