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Summer Fun(Contest August)
Wow
Summer again was cold all along
a young chick remains glued to mom's tits he adorns
pair of sibling’s, young ones pull each other’s hair for fun
Mom and pop are sunning at the beach
preparing for another summer’s lasting memorable one (for fun)
young upcoming teens wish to brush lips often
as they cross the permissible age
their love entwined has begun
another couple is smiling
the coming one is kicking her tummy
what a funny feeling
then can't forget aged one's
Grand kids need a change of nappy
granny is happy
grand pa is feeling horny
where have those days gone
when they were under the blankets
at darkness searching
Well all life is lovely since summer has for a while come
Let’s all have our kind of everlasting desirous fun
haven't you yet begun summer's pun
Comments
Geezer
Sat, 2019-08-17 12:16
I like the theme...
just can't help feeling that it's all written as the lines come to you and you don't know what is coming next.
~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
lovedly
Sun, 2019-08-25 11:15
Gee you by now know me well
ur ABS right as always
lol
stan style
lovedly
Mon, 2019-08-26 21:30
hiya Mark I am happy with your concern
a guy waiting outside
an ICU
has hopes of return
I shall apply
my mind
if my synapses remain intact
hopes and thanks
lovedly's sandwich
Chiori
Sun, 2019-08-18 17:54
like Geezer i enjoyed the
like Geezer i enjoyed the theme of the poem
nice one
always remember to make a critique of other poems
using the hoe is not madness for nothing
lovedly
Tue, 2019-08-27 20:55
thanks a lot Chiori
I value your kind visit
lovedly
Fri, 2019-08-23 22:39
Thanks all readers
my thanks all
my freestyle poems
just come as visuals mainly in my dreams
I am not much of an articulated poet
so it seems
yet even with neopoets my poems glow with sheen
three contests
one won
one mentioned in honours
and
the best one set technically aside it seems
My Mom's Smiles
As the lady affected me only
NOT INTERNATIONALLY A LADY
lovedly
Wed, 2019-08-28 17:43
Hello JUDGE
this is an old poem already
posted earlier Kindly note
lovedly
Fri, 2019-08-30 15:50
hello judge
sir did u note it
lovedly
Thu, 2020-06-04 12:38
contest
winner poem
Gracy
Sat, 2020-06-06 11:31
Hi, I agree with Gee, your
Hi, I agree with Gee, your theme is wonderful but the poem is rather "messy", no offence meant. You want the raw truth, there 'tis.
Not sure whether the siblings are kids or the chicks, that's not clear. Real hen's chicks certainly peck at each other, sometimes they peck the bottom of the black ones, isn't that incredible and sad? We often had to remove the "different" chick and take care of it ourselves, mostly with fine Quaker oats.
Hope you can manage to shorten the lines, it's fine to use dreams as your muse, but then the stream of consciousness has to be understandable or at least metaphorical, with some alliterations, similes or whatever. Some sort of show and not tell, methinks.
All the best, Gracy
*
*
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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury
lovedly
Sat, 2020-06-06 11:42
history ma'am
I already won in 2019
now this Jun fun one
must be read by ma'am you
say something something ...
I like to hear from you
Argentina's Pablo
I COULD BE
SHARE HIS
DOB
NOT YEAR
CLEARLY
lovedly
Mon, 2020-07-06 22:51
did u read this
ma'am Gracy