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The Two Birds

Submitted by Punkyfrewster on Wed, 2024-08-28 18:32

War is a raven
black and assuming,
many years of living
and all-consuming,
It is demise wishing.

Peace is a dove
plump and bright,
written about in many a tome.
Short years in flight.
Winging far, but finding its home.

Raven and dove
struggle and fly in and out.
The raven is a deadly pest
where love is in a drought.
The dove is when we all are blessed.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Contest: 
Peace Versus War
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Thu, 2024-08-29 00:32

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "The Two Birds" effectively uses the metaphor of the raven and the dove to represent war and peace, respectively. This is a common and widely understood symbolism that allows the reader to quickly grasp the underlying message of the poem.

The poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme. For instance, the first stanza has a rhyme scheme of ABCCB, while the second stanza follows an ABABA pattern. This inconsistency can disrupt the flow of the poem and distract the reader.

In terms of content, the last two lines could be more nuanced. The statement that the "raven is a pest who has no clout" seems to oversimplify the complex nature and impact of war. Similarly, calling the dove (or peace) "the crest" could be expanded upon to provide a deeper understanding of peace.

The use of the phrase "written in many a tome" in the second stanza is a bit unclear. If it's meant to suggest that peace is often written about or idealized in literature, this could be made more explicit to avoid any confusion.

Lastly, the poem could explore the interaction between the raven and the dove more. The title suggests a relationship or comparison between the two, but the poem mostly discusses them separately. Exploring their interaction could add another layer of complexity to the poem.

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