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A Portrait Of My Love
My friend, fair of face
A gentle smile, full of grace
Lips that blow a kiss of charm
Smeared with fragrant healing balm.
My love, coyly sighs,
Rosy cheeks and deep blue eyes
Beauteous and quick to please
Melting me with quiet ease.
My bride, raven hair
Draped around her shoulders bare
Brushed with hands of ivory
Softly tied with purity.
My mate, ample breast
Clothed in linen, cotton dressed
Skin as pale as satin moth
Underneath the flimsy cloth.
My life evermore,
Lived with one that I adore
Forever in her caress
Filled with joy and happiness
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
mand
Wed, 2011-05-04 14:07
Hi Shirl
Always good to have you come by. I'm glad you liked it - I won't delete this one. Lol
Thanks for reading and commenting Shirl.
Loads of love and hugs
Mand xxxxxxxx
raj
Wed, 2011-05-04 14:44
Dearest Mand
this write flows as smooth as silk creating beautiful portraits with consummate ease..a pleasure read for me...
much love...
raj (sublime_ocean)
mand
Wed, 2011-05-04 15:47
Hi Raj
Good to hear from you. Glad you liked it.
Kind of you to read and comment.
Loads of love
Mand xxxxxxxx
scribbler
Wed, 2011-05-04 19:16
hello
enjoyable statement of love. Why leave out comma in 1st line of last stanza?.......................stan
mand
Thu, 2011-05-05 03:30
Hellooo Stan the man
Nice to see you. Thanks for the correction always glad to hear from you.
Love Mand xxxxxx
mand
Sat, 2011-05-07 09:18
Hi Xena
Great to hear gyou. I hope you're o.k. Thank you for reading and commenting, much appreciated.
Love Mand xxxxxxxxxxx
Nordic cloud
Sat, 2011-05-14 14:47
Sweet blush of rose
Sweet blush of rose
the moth its gentle touch
this poem says that much
a love so transparent
delicate like gossamer
upon the grass in dew,
you sensed a pastel view
of sentiment
so lovely too.
Dear Mand.
from Ann.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
mand
Sun, 2011-05-15 11:56
Hi Ann
Woow! I love your comment. ( poem ). Your knowledge of words amazes me!! "delicate like gossamer upon the grass of dew". Fabulous! You should be famous - you are inspiring and inspire. Love your words Ann of Norway.
Love Mand xxxxx
Psyve
Sat, 2011-05-14 15:14
Mand
A gentle poem, but well constructed.
I like the quiet regimen upon which you have built this:
the discipline is apparent in the opening lines of each verse.
Yet, the overriding feeling is one of gentle warmth.
I enjoyed this read.
Psyve
mand
Sun, 2011-05-15 12:00
Hi Psyve
Thank you Psyve, I don't know what to say except thank you for your lovely encouraging comment!
I have a great big smile on my face!!
Loads of love
Mand xxxxxx