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Table
the window full of bright
I watch the birds hover
and slide from view
the traffic waiting for the light
and I catch the colour
of your hue
the calm serenity of you
the coffee rich I sip and taste
the hours watch
I must keep haste
the quick exam your beauty
based
the pale flow
hair held by bow
away and from the shop I walk
and listen to the ravens talk
and place this moment
under lock
for rainy days
and thought filled ways
Editing stage:
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Comments
Esker
Thu, 2011-06-02 14:47
ha ha
start off free verse and then stumble through
some rhymne thats okay I enjoyed this
its hard to break from doing the same thing
over and over I could use something that
rhymnes with clock Interesting
I enjoy non free verse though
its about Twiggs and sitting inside
to examing people
and saw a particular beautiful
woman damned artist poet in me
this was fun to write
Esker
Thu, 2011-06-02 17:41
maybe "shock"
just a thought..
pleiades
Sat, 2011-06-04 21:09
this was a different read,
this was a different read, but one i enjoyed as
much as your others
your rhyme at first, seemed a bit
random, but upon re-reading, i found
the pattern
like all your writes, the pattern
seems you own...and it works so well
this poem offers a charming picture
of a moment captured
i like the sort of light-hearted feel to this
i like looking through your eyes
loved it, e
p
CCfire
Sun, 2011-06-05 04:23
It's not wrong that free
It's not wrong that free verse rhymes in fact a lot have internal rhymes and who are we to distract our muse from the path it takes with things. This I must admit threw me at first because I've never read rhyme from you but the fact is that the rhythm and pacing of this is still very much free verse and enjoyable as I read it out loud.
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche