Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
She!
She!
You must appreciate,
That the Phoenix
Here is not I
But a distraught one
I did try to rise
Above the pavilion of self,
Tsunamied by the grace
Of thy God
Tis only love
I wanted upon my soul
To shower upon that Phoenix,
A beautiful flower
Ere the limitations
Of physical constraints
Cease her to exist
But she has a heart of gold
To her poetry and mind
Despite her limitations
I’m sold
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
This poem is for CRUZ'S workshop poetry critique stuff
Editing stage:
Workshop:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
loved
Mon, 2011-06-27 09:34
this is a poem
i wrote for some ones poetry as a comment thanks
loved
Geezer
Mon, 2011-06-27 09:53
Finally figured out...
how to access the workshop! if this is what you are submitting to the work-shop, it is not true to the
form we were asked for. It is supposed to be four stanzas, and I don't know how you want to break it up.
It is a very good poem, but we should stick to what we are asked for. I thought that it was really good, the title is rather unique, and it was consistant all the way through. Maybe you should change the capitals in each line to lower case, and use a little puncuation. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
loved
Fri, 2011-07-01 07:14
no this is just a
poem
simple in its simplicity
nothing to do
with any workshop
loved
loved
Mon, 2011-06-27 12:52
pardon my unintelligence this time thou speakest in riddles
Pardon my unintelligence…. this time thou speaketh in riddles
a phoenix is a bird
which rises from the dead,
fire, when ashes crumble
and
the last spark reignites…
a dragon is a concept of a phoenix,
it’s a dragon for ever,
Like, the bard sleepeth to ponder,
Beyond yonder
My dear Ian
loved
loved
Fri, 2011-07-01 07:16
how will i ever be able to read
a lovely epic
can barely concentrate
on ten lines of poetry
gistify it for me kindly
loved
loved
Sat, 2011-07-02 14:03
when you go to heaven you will have wings like an Angel
Your precious thoughts,
I shall embed,
In my softened head,
When in heaven I’m dead
And that you think,
Beyond this world lies a heaven,
That’s my only dread
And as a bard,
I shall be true to you,
When I’m there,
If I am,
I will introduce you too
loved
Breakinglogic
Tue, 2011-08-09 02:17
this is a rather captivating
this is a rather captivating read,
I owed two crosses for understanding
and twice that in veneration.
I much enjoy an enigmatic write that is digested from consistent ideas
very well done, I believe
cheers,
logic
☆ raffy
loved
Tue, 2011-08-09 09:50
your comments overpower my mind
kindly, clarify if you don't mind.
your words are like beads in a string,
which when strung ,
happiness do bring
loved